Uplifting
One of the difficult things about writing a "public" blog that has a modest number of people who read it and comment on it is this feeling like you have to write crap that is optimistic and uplifting. I suppose it is a self-imposed cross to bear.
I really do believe that you need to write for yourself and not care what anyone else thinks. This is not about pleasing people. It is not about accumulating readers or being discovered or popular. I do think blogging is about self-discovery.
But the funny thing about self-discovery is that you don't always discover good things. My whole experience being part of that terrible group blog experience triggered something in me I didn't expect. Although in real life I shrink from the limelight, in the blog world I discovered I don't like sharing it. I don't like playing by other people's rules and conforming to community standards. Hell, I have to do that in the real world. Why the hell would I want to start playing that game in the virtual one.
I don't deal with criticism well. I internalize it. But first I strike out and try to turn the tables on the ones criticizing me. That's what happened on that stupid blog.
I suppose the virtual world is a better place for this to happen than in the real, civilized one. Though in my work world, I have the reputation of someone who speaks his mind and can be blunt, I still know limits. You have to when you livelyhood depends upon it. The blog world really doesn't have those limits. But people always try to impose them.
I think of this world as an amazing experiment. It is not for everyone. That, I think is why there is a high incidence of blogger breakdowns. And though I have toyed with quitting at times, I keep going.
Sometimes I just think I can't stop.
I really do believe that you need to write for yourself and not care what anyone else thinks. This is not about pleasing people. It is not about accumulating readers or being discovered or popular. I do think blogging is about self-discovery.
But the funny thing about self-discovery is that you don't always discover good things. My whole experience being part of that terrible group blog experience triggered something in me I didn't expect. Although in real life I shrink from the limelight, in the blog world I discovered I don't like sharing it. I don't like playing by other people's rules and conforming to community standards. Hell, I have to do that in the real world. Why the hell would I want to start playing that game in the virtual one.
I don't deal with criticism well. I internalize it. But first I strike out and try to turn the tables on the ones criticizing me. That's what happened on that stupid blog.
I suppose the virtual world is a better place for this to happen than in the real, civilized one. Though in my work world, I have the reputation of someone who speaks his mind and can be blunt, I still know limits. You have to when you livelyhood depends upon it. The blog world really doesn't have those limits. But people always try to impose them.
I think of this world as an amazing experiment. It is not for everyone. That, I think is why there is a high incidence of blogger breakdowns. And though I have toyed with quitting at times, I keep going.
Sometimes I just think I can't stop.
7 Comments:
When I first started blogging, I thought that someone might see my art or photography and offer me an insane amount of money to produce something for them. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not going to get discovered here. There are just too many of us cluttering up the blogoshpere. Some have managed to turn their blogging into money.
I found this a bit ironic; my ex-husband (whom I met in college art class) managed to recently get discovered. He just got paid 19K for a tattoo design. A heavy metal band called "Disturbed" is going to use it for their albumn cover. He was in the right place at the right time.
As for everything else you said; DITTO! I don't take criticism well at all either, even when I ask for it. And, if someone pisses me off, I'm not apt to forgive. As you see, I don't handle blogging as easily as you do. This crazy experiment has me flying in so many different directions. I still love it though. I just have to find a way to make it fit with my personality.
Yes, I had the illusion when I started that I would be discovered and land a publishing conract. I had that same illusion when I started writing years ago and submitted short stories to magazine after magazine. But your ex-husband's example illustrates how it all really happens -- luck.
Don't make the mistake, however, thinking that because no one has offered you large sums of money for your talent that you don't have it. Your art has been appreciated by a much larger audience because of your blog. I know money would probably appreciated too, but there is something to be said about people acknowledging your talent.
I'm not sure I handle blogging as easy as you might imagine. I agonize over comments or not having comments. And as you've seen, even if I don't care for a person's writing I'll link to their site if the link to mine just out of a sense of obligation.
But I need to write. The odd thing is the photography thing that has born out of the blogging. I find myself crafting posts just to justify a Photoshop creation. It seems oddly obsessive but satisfying.
I am glad you are the only who has found this blog and reads it.
Well, the same can be said of you. You are a very talented writer. I greatly enjoyed your short stories. Are there any more of those lying around???
I hope for the time being that no one DOES find this blog. I've enjoyed the quiet. I know it's your blog and all and if you want a huge following then it's bound to happen, but... It's so much easier to formulate a decent response to your posts when I'm not worried about others reading it (specifically goatman and buffalo).
I'm afraid the short stories have dried up. But there are about 587 archived blog posts (not counting the monkey and Gunter) that you can read if you are bored :)
I seriously doubt if anyone else will find this blog. And I seriously doubt if the goat spanker and Bluffalo would. I don't believe Bluffalo ever read my other blog anyway. I was relieved. I couldn't have dealt with his, "You are good people baby girl" responses.
I tell you I feel uncomfortable though commenting on blogs where either of them have commented on. They both creep me out.
You'll notice that I didn't invite anyone that reads buffalo's or michael's blog to read mine. I no longer trust someone who has an interest in the two of them. I know that some are still just being polite in order to maintain the "I'll read yours if you read mine" unwritten law. But... I was surprised beyond belief to see some of them standing right along with Buffalo in the vanilla wars.
He has developed quite the following. They've begun to think that if it comes out of his mouth, it MUST be true.
He doesn't even bother to come up with a sincere comment. He shuffles his comment cards around. I've gotten that particular comment MANY times. "You're good people" OH COME ON!!!
Do you have a stat counter on this one? If either one of them happens to hit onto this site, you can guarantee a personal attack.
The Buffalo Pie reminds me of this speaker someone booked at a conference I was at in Reno. The guy was a local "character" who was the unofficial mayor of Virginia City, a tourist ghost town in the mountains above Reno. The guy dressed like a cowboy and spout shit like, "He came from a time when the cut of a man was measured by how well he sat in the saddle."
Give me a break.
I have noticed that most of his fans are subbies from the BDSM community. Goat Spanker is just one of his entourage toadies hoping to get spillover from the Buffalo Pies popularity.
I was disappointed at the way they all rallyed around him during the Vanilla wars as well. But I am often disappointed at human behaviour...not suprised mind you, just disappointed.
Perhaps I should make this an invitation only blog as well. How did you do that? And how would a stat counter help? On my other blog it simply tells me how many times the page has been opened and a vague idea of where the person's ISP was.
To make it invitation only, go to settings and then select "permissions". You type in the email addresses of those you want to invite.
As far as the statcounter, "statcounter.com" allows you to assign a name to the IP address based on who happens to have read during which time of day and posted which comment... blah blah blah... anyhoo it tells you who was on rather than which IP. I was just curious as to whether or not you've had viewers to this site.
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