The Kong Show

Infinite Humans

The infinite human theorem states that a human randomly hitting keys on a keyboard for an infinite amount of time will, according to mathematics, type or create just about any text that has been or will be written. It is popular to assign the humans the entire works of Stephen King (apparently the monkeys get a little pissy if you ask them to tap out the entire works of Shakspeare).

It dawned on me today that blogging is nothing but the infinite human theorem being put into practice. There is an infinite number of you humans out there tapping away randomly at your keyboards in truly what seems to be an infinite number of blogs. And mathematics tells us that sooner or later one of you is going to type out something great. But the bitch is, that it is just dumb luck...er I mean the laws of probibility...that will create the work.

I find this discouraging. In the words of Cornelius in Planet of the Apes, "I'm a Chimp, not a Gorilla." I'm just going to come out and lay it on the line: there are too many blogs. Just because you can type and have a computer, doesn't mean you are a writer. I own some pretty nice cymbals, but I don't fancy myself to be Buddy Rich.

I'm here to say, enough is enough. Back away from your keyboards and stop dancing humans.

Everybody has something to hide...

Except for me and my sock monkey.

Brains

Obviously, I am the brains of this blog. Or at least I eat them. Pleasant dreams!