They made a monkey out of me...

I'm sure many of you have been frantic wondering where I was during the past few weeks. It's still difficult for me to talk about it, but I was the victim of a monkeynapping by a vicious gang of biggotted monkey haters.

Around March 31 I was minding my own business in Tim-Elvis' office thinking about what my next blog should been when I was snatched and thrown into a bag. Little did I know that was to be the beginning of a saga that didn't end until I was released by my nasty captors yesterday and returned to Tim-Elvis.

I don't remember much about the weeks I was gone, but here are copies of the notes sent to Tim-Elvis as I was blatantly paraded around Southern California:

I want to go on record that none of the notes accompanying these photos were written my me. It's obvious from my glassy stare that I was kept drugged and oblivous to all of the vile and sordid things that I was being subjected to. God only knows how many ways I was violated. I think I was even spanked at one point.

I'm coming forward with this information with a message for my monkeynapping tormentors. This is not over. I will find you and humilate you the way you humiliated me.

Watch your backs.