No more monkeying around

Tim-Elvis finally pushed me to the limit. I'm tired of carrying him. He's been the monkey on my back way too long now. I don't need him, you know. I've been around the block a few times and know how things work.

First a little about me. I was featured in a bad 1984 scary picture called “The Devil’s Gift.” It was about a little boy who receives a mechanical, cymbal-playing monkey as a gift. Every time I played the cymbals, someone died. The movie was loosely based on a Stephan King short story with the same plot. And we all know how well Stephan King stories do when they are turned into movies. Yes, the movie bombed and was re-cut into a 1996 movie about Merlin’s Toy Shop. That, too, bombed and is probably out there somewhere on DVD at Half Price Books.

Okay, I did the gig as a favor to Stephan King. Because I am a muse.

1. Muse -- (in ancient Greek mythology any of 9 daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne; protector of an art or science)
2. muse -- (the source of an artist's inspiration; "Euterpe was his muse")

I was King's muse for awhile until we had a falling out over how a couple of books should have ended. I don't want to go into it. Needless to say I walked out and the man is now a few pages shy of a novel (if you catch my drift). This is of course why he is writing stuff like From a Buick 8.

Anyway, I made my way across country doing the Antique Show Circuit. One too many people have pressed on my head to get me to play the cymbals, so I do show a few signs of age and slipping skin on my forehead that could be mistaken for a lobotomy as Tim-Elvis so delicately put it in his first blog about me.

Tim-Elvis found me in an antique mall outside of Seattle. And now I sit above his computer watching him, frozen in time. Or so he thinks. He is pissed because people keep doing searches for "Mechanical Monkey Playing the Cymbals" and I get more traffic then his pitiful other ramblings about dead things in his crawl space and spam wars.

So, I got tired of his whining about no traffic on his blog and kicked him to the curb the way I dropped King. I'm no body's monkey now. I've hacked into his Blogger account and I'm telling my side of it from now one.

This monkey has nothing to hide.