Phoenix
by Dale J. Sprague
Reveries
2.2002 Once, I was jobless and lived in my truck. I sold my books, sold everything except for a few cloths, and those on my back. She who I loved, left town without a word. Then, one bright and sunny day, a sinking feeling suddenly possessed me. I was driving by a city lake, turned into a vacant lot, and walked to its edge. I was thinking...'all my thought, work, all my adventures, all my study and earnest aspirations have brought me to this home in a truck. I thought 'Here I am, in this vacant lot by a city lake because of love.'
My depression deepened, and as my heart began to question the love, three large fish jumped in unison, close together out of the water directly in front of me. For a brief moment, I saw a beautiful fountain of fish. At the bottom of my despair, they appeared. Perhaps it is true...'When the student is ready, the teacher appears.' I felt their teaching...'love is the law of one's heart.' When I needed it the most, my guides appeared. I felt it was a sign. Have faith, and without another thought about it, I carried on, uplifted just enough to bear the emptiness.
I knew...'To yourself be true'..and that everyone is an artist, whether the medium is a dream..words, paints, or clay. I turned to words eventually after realizing love un'requited. I felt a fulfillment and realization that I was able to love deeply, that I had love to give.
In the beginning, I knew not, whether or not, my love was mostly a mantra created by me. Either way, the reality of her, or romantic psychosis of me, I could not abandon..not even later, after the psychosis was apparent. Love mantras cannot be abandoned, no more than an artist can abandon their works of art..no more than one can abandon one's self.