Throughout the prime of her
Earthly soul, she has been with him. He does his work faithfully. He is utterly
faithful to his habit, which includes her. She does her work practically and sensibly.
They lived silently and darkly, a well worn path to their pastoral home and
habitat. But one night, she awakens. The hour is dark and deep. Her body is
tired. Her spirit, over'worn. Her first thought, "Why can't I sleep?"
Gripped with anguishing angst, she looks at him, profoundly asleep, oblivious
to her, but now, with what was familiar and fact about him, she feels uneasy.
She knows she should not feel so alone with him. But how could this happen? By
her mind's dead reckoning long ago, she evaluated and decided, 'Don't be
discouraged, he's good and good for marriage.' She loved nature, close'by and
a'far. She liked living far from the crowd. And she liked his way of making a
place for himself..the quiet, the peace, except for what they disturb, giving
and taking..they lived a life mostly of their own making. It worked for her,
the splendors of the wild seeping into her every fiber, but the balm of nature
and her husband..now fading and wanning darker
Throughout the years, she
lived and worked with him, under the same roof. About his abruptness and
matter'of'factness, she was lenient. His misanthrophy..convenient. But she
could not sleep. There must be more. She feels it deep. Something asleep is
a'stirring, aroused from so much life enpassing. For its sake, something new
will soon be wide awake. So, in this night...No!..she wasn't going to let this
one slip away like so many before. With stricken soul, she feels an ache. She
reaches out, she stretches out far and past her horizons..into the heavens, her
silent weep for life to keep, was but a prayer. And this time, this time the
tremor of her soul was felt from a'far
In her soul, was a vision
of a man, a celestial lover. He seemed everything she was praying'for. He loved
and let love. His space, indeterminant and large, she loved and adored. He
spoke, heart'to'heart..he felt, soul'to'soul. Now she knows...there is
somthing, there is someone more. Through their dialogue, ever more and more,
she felt impassioned with he, a dream of life, of love, each sharing. She has
long been growing..subtlely, imperceptibly, and now awakened, she..her
dwelling, her stranger'husband, it has all become so small. She knows..change
is impending, she is molting. What has awakened, will forever change what has
become so familiar..her place, her world, it can never be the same. Now that
she feels a greater space for love, she feels how much she has grown. She feels
an emptiness, a greater space into which she has yet to grow
About her celestial lover,
her husband'stranger must know. He has to learn, there must be more for the
both of them. It is a great, and a wide, and a wonderful world, yet to them, it
inspired love no greater than their house, its yard, their territory. To the
husband'stranger in her bed, she boldly proclaims her need for the celestial
lover. She reveals her love for him. Her husband'stranger..he cries, he weeps.
He rages hot, his sweat freezes on his icy face thinking of the celestial
lover, and what he stole..but she was resolved
She needed greater space,
freedom, greater freedom of mind, so the dark is dark, and light is light, and
colors in all their splendor, all sights and sound, all touch and feel..to
taste the dew upon her moist lips, in the midst of an aestival dawn, where all
is springing to life..it needs to be, she needs to be, to feel alive!..to feel
intensely
Once born, life is an
inalienable right, living without regret or hesitation..a gift, not
resignation..all sight, sound, and sensation. To love and be loved, and within
its beauteous fold...deep oblivious sleep. This need, to be with one who lets
her breathe, she is enabled to breathe..this freedom. The more apparent what
her husband'stranger could not give, the more she was drawn to the celestial
being of her dream
Yet, she is afraid
again...once from life slipping from her grasp, now because this dream, what
she has been dreaming for so long..it is alive! Yet, steadfast and resolved,
she rests assured, at least for now, she takes comfort with the thought of
chance opportunity, its convenience, for the celestial being lives in her mind
From the husband'stranger,
she separates. He grows sullen, alternating hot and cold, capricious, yet a new
world opening, for her is compelling. Her celestial lover, she loves and loves.
Her mind is alive, her life is moving. And the celestial being..patient,
understanding, and ever responding
To her own place now, she
prepares to move. The man that was in her bed, still familiar, yet a stranger,
a phantom of her past. It could not last, nor would not live. Eyes for her, nor
freedom to be, he could not give. In all their time, it has been together, yet
darkly separated..always blind, and what was not..either asleep or
near'sighted. For to him, her husband'stranger, everyone is alone..a'last
o'sorrowfully alone! To him, she was alone like he, and just being together is
all any two can do, to lessen the aloneness they be. But she down deep always
knew there was more, a greater world in which to be, and her celestial
lover..he agrees
Separation and departure
from nature so familiar, seems inevitable, probable, and desireable. Many times
she has flown far and away through her celestial space, to love her lover, to
be loved by him. More and more she feels it, a strong stirring, its
righteousness, yet..with nagging reservations that always attend love a'new,
its health and wealth in a new world..its brightness, she feels life opening,
like a blossoming bud having no sense of itself, nor of what would happen once
seen..the radiant light, beauty born clean
Love cast its brilliance
and warmed her soul. More than once, she langored laconic, resting deep,
basking and drank the clean transparent air..her heart opened..her soul, young
and fair. Now fully blossomed in all her array, life should be clear..her
direction, a clearly marked passageway. But an Earthly soul has its own wisdom,
its own gravity. It is not just simple evolution, evolving from one to another,
entity to entity. We live in a continuum, and its center is the soul. Her
center is her Earthly soul. Her life..begins and ends with it. She knows this.
Down deep she has always been sure, what her soul portends without words, she
must pursue
She is single because she
is singular with each person, differing in shape, color, and spirit..each with
its own flavor, its own delights or pit, to savor or spit. To each she
connects..tight, short, and ever straining. All is a'streaming, day to seamless
day, night to blue, the moon..new to new. Its steady, un'interrupted flowing
makes her feel fated..and events, deterministic. She wonders, 'Have I been
pre'ordained?..especially chosen for some purpose? Her pursuits of 'why' madden
her cry. A mission? un'disclosed..a rank un'bestowed. She quietly searched for
urgent love, and hanging on to it at any cost, she felt weighted heavy, Earth'
bound, and lost
Upon the celestial route,
she has flown..packed for another journey to begin, only to return, again and
again. Is it sentiment, compliment?..or lack of self'content, flush'faced with
the sad'face of a ghostly stranger. The mortality, the morbidity of it. Is it
the finality of it, she needs to experience? She knows it is true, the
husband'stranger..his love for her is loyal and blue. He loves her as he always
has, as she allowed, as she was long ago. Between past and future, there is but
little that overlaps. In this eternity, its tortuous strain, under its heavy
forbearance, she would often collapse..inward, like the dark matter of an
unborn fetal sun, ever building, all is arrayed..delicately woven, eternities
of life await..oblivions in her midst, yet from each dreamless sleep, she
awakens with newly formed feeling, of what love could be
The prime of her
soul...what did it know so assuredly? Has it been just a place to stay, a
chamber in which to incubate, a far'away shangrila in which to camp, watch, and
wait? Is this what it has been all about? The prime of her life, love
spent?..or just renting space to pass the time..waiting for the right star to
show, or waiting for her eyes to open and see a radiant glow that has been
there all along. These things she ponders. Deep in oblivious sleep, she naps.
How can she know? she wonders..for love cannot be tested like assumptions, or
proven like theorems
A chance to make..a
happenstance taken..no longer can she wait, this eternity between past and
future..for life, it is here and now, for its own sake. The celestial lover,
the husband'stranger..one indeterminate, the other occult, both remote..with
all that has opened, with all the beauty she sees..all the light a'new, all
life around her radiantly arrayed..she feels it, and lives moment to moment
Her soul, once long ago,
needed a place to grow. It needed to be left alone, but then, past and future
became darker without a dream catcher. She cannot bear it any longer, as
before, her soul, when her soul was young and saged by instinct, and moved by
its turbulent shadows, conceded that love cannot be proved..only given and
received..in the past, the shell of her pristine heart, lounges mournfully,
wistfully, as he, her husband'stranger, ponders darkly on her fate without him,
and she, awakened and appearing late, feels once again, the life force
surging..her impending dream, urging
Yes..it is alive! The dream
lives. She sleeps and dreams on. She moves and is heavily moved in the midst of
her thickening eternities. Within its current, its deep dark mystery, a thought
or feeling flitters quickly upon its surface, and swiftly skitters away into
nothing. And all remaining, is the wait, and for the distant love from her
celestial lover. A new current in her is stirring. It has awakened, her deep is
moving. The prime of her earthly soul is coursing new, and flowing. By the
stars, she has learned to reckon. By the constellations there, newly created,
with new meaning, she is guided
For love, herself, she wagered, as she
were in its time, as she was so formed then, so fitted, so configured, and
dedicated to appeal and please. For love's sake, she took the risk, but as love
unconditional is, so her celestial soul lives. As unconditional love is not, so
the celestial soul lives in part, and like the peeling of an oyster's offering,
from blemished surface to blemished surface, her life proceeded in search of,
that unblemished pearl
Each layer pealed, each face newly
formed with such a beautiful aspiration glowing, left less and less that could
be divided. She is a gambler, a risk taker. And she gambles with the most
precious for the highest possible stakes. Each wager, a portion of her life and
soul, is for that whole love in the celestial heavens. And she has ventured
many times, from each to each, and as many, lost the reach. From what could be
revealed and brought to light, to what remains, that infinite un'dividable
something with which, upon which, around which, all forms and compounds...to wager
it? or not, her vital core, which cannot be apportioned and wagered any more
She searches for her burial sites..for
each face, each another fallout of youth's vainglorious pursuits. To resurrect
each? and gather them together, and after apportioning her vital core, connect
them all, and as the vital energy passes through them, she envisions, and
looking into their sunken eyes..ask each to join hands, and with her
intimately, in their midst as one..to celebrate how joyous, life has been?..its
labidious raptures, all snacked, cupped, or plated, and served up by the
inevitable darkness, of what was to come next
Each face, each self possessed in its
time with courage and determination, and wagered for a passage back to paradise
lost, appeared profoundly beautiful. This core of her remaining, the depth of
soul that needs to be loved unconditionally..this indivisibility, has been
watching all along..the love unrequited, the snake'haired Medusa turning,
watching each beautiful prospect, become fixed into stone
Her first impulse in searching, was to
use the vital life force of what remained and bring back to life what had
turned to stone and long ago buried. And they surely can be un'earthed and
resurrected..the succession, submissions of fatal assumptions made by each,
altogether gathered into a collage collected, resembling something of what was
originally, vaingloriously divided. Yet, to do this, to un'earth each and bring
to light each beauteous sensation, what she was feeling before love's lost,
would be to un'freeze each at the point of death, and cause each to pass on to
the moment next, with a stillness, watching Medusa turning. She knows that for
all of her final wager, from lifeless beauteous stone to stone, their sunken,
lifeless orbs, all together..to each, she promises one last reach. She has
wagered and lost all life long, for the pearl of love, she longed
for..compromising ever more and more, never giving life a chance, to reduce
her, to her soul's indivisible core. The vital energy given to her in her
beginning was spent. No more wagered..nothing more lent. Only do or not do,
hurried or un'hurried. She knows where, they are all buried
Each face existed with a beautiful
aspiration for love. The beauty of each, frozen at the point of death. They can
be uncovered and exposed to the light of day, out of reverence, out of respect
for the wager then, however hopeless it may have been, and beholding them, with
their stony stillness, somehow living on their own, with their beauty
penetrating...would she then dedicate the rest of her? that they may live on,
be incarnate, be resurrected..resurrect what would come, past that moment of
death, with the last of life in them..and in the next moment, what would
inevitably pass into dark despair, as it had then. Or would she pause from
their want revealed?..a careful excavation, a loving polish applied,
a'smoothing its pearly essence, white and translucent, until its radiant luster
becomes apparent, blemishes and all
Each day, the sun rises and sets its
opalescence upon the pearl'escent surface of each face, it cast deep,
unfathomable shadows upon their form. Each a marvel, as its reverence for love
undivided radiates..each a reverence and celebration of life..each in its own
time, she knew to bury, when it was time to move on...when it was time, to move
on
She dwells in a peaceful
environment, in a garden of her making, and with her creatures upon earthen
ground, she ponders...deep in the Earth, could her faces with all their
valiance remain? having reduced her to her indivisible soul, she ponders what
is more...the beauties buried? or the quest they were upon
She once thought of them, buried deep,
each feeling after..ugly and bad for what they did not deliver. The undivided
love, the beauty radiating, but even radiating..could it be seen only by
another, likewise radiating? And all that is buried now..their beauty does
live! In their dark they shine. Out of their time, they know..that perhaps they
need to remain buried, for what is to come..for her wings to unfold and be
carried by the wind, to see by the light of love, as she knows how..above,
below, all around..to take to the sky, where she always belonged, under a
celestial heaven where she was born, and in kind..leave both stranger'husband
and celestial lover, far behind
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