Phoenix

by DJ. Sprague

Op. 1 The Rose

 The rose...love, beauty. The dull aches, celibate pain. In the beginning, in the darkness, a spirit awakens in search of the nameless. And once named, the mortal assumes overlord to the immortal. Light turned inward becomes lethal. And so, it happened. In the fervid endeavor to capture with words the fragrance, majesty, and beauty of a rose, I died...from its intimacy with nature, labors of love, and enchantments of romance


1  Across a wide plain active with great spirits that make a vast sea out of tall grass, or over the swells of a deep thickened sea, I feel a primordial need surrounding, penetrating, pervading throughout me. From space, I sense essence of mind, a need for freedom so great that what space is not, may freely express itself, compounding itself in the production of creation. In creation, I feel substance and sense primordial awareness, wherein emotions of electromagnetic sensations are given and taken. Upon the surface of still waters, I feel an awareness that is essential, seeing the image of stars there, in reflection from another time ages ago. From the midday sun, I feel radiant consciousness penetrate me, and from its body, I sense its grasp, its reach extending to all of creation, serving as a focus of time. As I penetrate the boundaries of time, I perceive phases of moon and receive reflections of prophecy. The Earth, my foundation, encircles its radiant focus of time in a meditative chant to the destiny of stars. And I feel unbounded within bounded senses, as they readily extend themselves through all things

 I am that I am in my beginning, and creation is given. My eyes, my ears, and my other thresholds enable me to personalize creation. And through creation, I move as slow as I perceive without..as fast as I see within. And from creation, more than the value of my breath, there are treasures to behold. For less than any breathless moment, no wonder of beauty could ever be sold. So, predisposed with a bit of creation and apportioned time of my own, darkness is given equally with light. But in mind, I comprehend points, lines, planes, and solids in perfection..making form, conceiving of perfect form, but when I deep search the physical, I find only approximations, unlight ensearching exactly where minute divisions of matter end and space begin. I assume then, that the precision of matter is a matter of mind, a facility exploring its own limits enpursuent of the final division..where it is ultimately forced to create. How ever are these quintessent pursuits doomed to failure, I contemplate matter, plunging deep, dwelling where the innermost bit of me is. To see there, to feel far, wide, and clear..to breathe deeply this creation, for my deep needs an earthly soul. Deeper into matter did I journey to find a treasure, some law there, true for all. And so many times did I approach the smallest bit of me, and as many times did it elude me. In despair, my vision became darker and darker until so isolated, my self divided. In that instant, a light arose bright. I learned that I, within the deepness of matter, cannot perceive and know it, without changing it, and causing it to become something else. And thus, so it must, only impressions of past and future can I perceive..for the rest, just be

 There is form in thought, and there is form in matter. There is then, unity..union between thought and matter. My consciousness sees through life as my eyes see through space. There is then, an equality between consciousness and light, a fundamental state of matter. All shapes and forms of matter seem motionless when perceived from afar..and restless when sensed closeby. Within the change of matter is generation, transfer, and disintegration...regeneration, transfer, and integration of time and space between mind and matter. Change is the nature of time, but the alert, quiet fixicity of the mind, is the vast ocean within which, I sense a unity between my feelings and the omnipresent change around me. My biomagnetic fields are aware. I am emotionally valenced to the presence of things. My mind is freed within wide open spaces. Consciousness is soothed by light. Imbalanced, I feel who I am. In equivalence, I sense why. In search of why, I am given time for the many needs, the many wants, I be. And when I need peace, I would want to experience the ultimate manifestation...a paradox, a dichotomy. Continuous wave and discontinuous quanta am I..dichotomous emotion, seeking best resolution, of conflicting wants and needs, here and now

2  Within my space, I am as we. Of the many within, are we. I am as I, singular, and unique. I, we..are the memories, visions, aspirations..the reality of superficial desires and deep needs. The 'one and many' is the essential paradigm of matter...the matter I am, we are, every moment, everyday. Of the awareness that pervades every bit of matter, am I..of every bit of matter within, I seek to be. The universe now, in its vastness and extremes, is manifest existence, and being now, this now is upon me. I am all that I can be now, created by past and future..yet, as past, present, and future senses of time, I am the passageway between the universe of matter and the matters of mind. This is a world where realities, light years apart, can relate bridging unimaginable expanses of space, because barriers of space are of mind, and in the universe, transcendence of mind is transcendence of space. In this place, every moment brings constant union, dissolution, exchange, and embodiments of vast systems of histories converged and re'converging within. This is an obvious system of things where its extremes incarnate within me, and seek connections between what is in motion, and what is not. In this space, the essential paradigm is contained within each moment, causing each moment to be, but a fertilized seed of past and future

3  From the inside looking out, there must be some unity between what I am, and what I am in. From behind my eyes, I can see only by reflection. Reality here is like my image in a mirror upon dark waters...fearful at first, but such images of the past are compelling, and draw me into their watery deep. I feel pulled from deep within, and as a stranger within a familiar world, I may arrange images there as I would like to see them..being so lured, as I were, by the simplicity of my own ideals..but before I become lost in them, I move away in haste, from this place behind my eyes

 When I am at the face of my eyes, I look around, seeing directly into a timeless now. Colors and fragrances are bold and intense, and my wits are extended to their end, and knowing that something is always beyond them, I am constantly on guard in this prickly eternity, for the unknown's sudden appearance

 I have seen the future beyond the face of my eyes. Staying there is fascinating at first, but at the mercy of my imagination's whim, reality is dim, vague, and faraway. And what if I should dwell there?..living indefinitely upon some obscure probability. Like an island of ice upon a tropical sea, my home would seem to be

 What then? What else can I be?..but of all, of past, present, and future within me. Only with this unity, can I move back to the face of my eyes amid the many uncertainties of futures probable, of memories remaining as they were regardless of form..past, present, and future, as one. And out, from the inside looking out, may I be clearly, may I begin

4  Time and eternity are passing sensations, places of mind where solace wanders around with vague feelings of nostalgia, where clouded familiarities of places and faces brood like loveless lovelorn ghosts, all vying for their time under the sun. Through this brooding, I nevertheless see, feeling non'logical insight..feeling irrational knowing, experiencing instant insight from apparent nowhere. I am now, fully attached here beyond my senses. I listen to every feeling, feeling a great ocean of space and all it contains. How much am I divided there? How fixed within, can I be, and still breathe freely? This place where all of what I am, is so easily formed, but impossible to remove. I am a universe within, looking out into another, a realm seeking rules and freedom from rules. And so resolved and disposed, I shall grow as the universe grows. I shall be moved, as this system of a radiant all'giving star moves

5  Within the universe, within me is the minute weight of beliefs and values determining its destiny within a vast universe. As a minute entity in search of, even all extremes are internalized and so easily personalized into some ordered niche of mind. And so readily did my mind work to consume each feeling, each new experience..yet, being more than magnetic flux and thermal heat, there are alignments between feelings and ideas. There is consciousness in blue, red, yellow, and as one, by white does one also see, but the mind seeking some irreducible essence would suspend in thought, the body that carries it. The vacuous mind would hold separate, rigid, and fixed, all that is sensually perceived...that is, until, in the fervor of its endeavor, it suddenly sees its doppelganger...a simple feeling, or emotion obsessed, also chasing the shadows of its own existential theorems

6  Radiant beams from the heavens enter boldly any matter in its way. From matter is white produced. Within matter does white so readily stay. And, as white clings to the densities of substance, its absence do we perceive. Within substance will white remain, and from substance, the black we receive. And I stand, casting a shadow from the sun, and from this, all that is physical is between light and dark, between the world of black and white is matter, the substance we are! And for all to be only black and white, the stars, the planets, the elements, would have to be whisked away. And when I feel the winds of uncertainty, and tides of darkness and chaos, I withdraw and ponder as I stand, and make sure..that the black and white there, remembers from where it began

7  From high above, did angry determined words shower down. They were great giants...violent, awesome, and all knowing. And quickly how broad their smile would be, how pleasant and loving they would be, if I should say, the same as they

 Where dictums reigned, did words come to me, representing itself as light. Reaching out with all my strength, I became fixed by the darkness there. Yet, words that emerge from darkness, in darkness do they stay. With pure faith and thus blinded, I was told to live. Thus living, not knowing light nor choice of my own to give. Forbear and forget! Covet the next moment. Love another only upon condition..that is, the condition they return the same, without reservation, without hesitation

 I lived brightly. I cried silently. For the night, I waited. The day, I dreaded. Heavily burdened with words unrooted, I lived some vision I could not see. I lived yearning for eyes truly of me. Day by day, the nights grew longer. Stronger and stronger my mind became. There were so many words, unconnected, so many pieces for some game. With each day, my mind became larger. Exercising freely, games began..and ended easily. And seeking more..more for new words, I looked far, looking far beyond defined horizons

 Soon thought began to interlock, and strings of words appeared, and easier and easier did bits of light come together. Then one day, like no other day, a ray of light..a blinding flash! Whole masses of words suddenly burst into light, radiant filaments connecting everything in sight...and I felt for the first time, my own eyes..eyes truly of me. I see. I see! I can so clearly see within

 But more than this. Far more than the birth of a mind's eye, the ground rose to my feet to become ground again, the air touched my skin to become air again, and the sun radiated..making shade aside all things that became things again

8  As light is used to construct past, present, and future, three dimensions of space, three dimensions of mind are created. And what I conceive is freely given by mind, of past, present, and future time. Yet, how deeply I see, recalling from seeing, feeling the experience of seeing comes not, from what was so freely given, but by something new, something changing. And suddenly I laugh or weep, or wonderment fills me, and more than ever before, I enter a greater world, I become less asleep. The prospect of enlightenment sets the dimensions of mind into motion..down intrepid inclines of rugged rock and chasms deep, to see there, what is hidden..or up daunting inclines of imposing rock to their peaks, to see from a great height, what is hidden in plain sight

9  Existence is made of delicate, yet all'pervading tiny minuscule forces. Conceived in need, one bit of force attaches to another. Untold numbers of need, give, share, and wait to be filled..building, growing, becoming sky..touching upon mountainous forms, great or small, matter's influence is profound, where the very large beyond comprehension, is at one with the very small beyond reach. Even the emptiness of space seems a necessary potion, a notion enabling me to more deeply understand the nature of substance, the substance I am

 Inward I move, to perceive this substance of me. Above and below, aside me, everywhere, I perceive readily, perceiving all..but the bits of matter I call me. Yet, as I persist, I want to know within me, even the most transient, while discerning the most salient. How much I journey to and from the substance of me, is as I need, as necessary. And no matter how far I journey, matter is delicate, yet formidable..profound in influence, and so far beyond comprehension, that to return, I need only to touch it. In touching, feeling deeply this matter, something very deep within, awakens. Something very deep, becomes aware

10  Why does anything have to be? especially as it turns into itself, perceiving out, and fostering me. Yet, upon waking with nighted brow, why seek proof? of the day before, or to live this day only with justification of tomorrow. Yesterdays and tomorrows are but vague imagery, and the inner world of me is only an approximation of the outer world, I can know only in approximations, I can only approximate what I feel, yet feel exactly. Darkly formed from inborn portals leading to a small portion of creation am I. Of my limitations and imperfections am I formed from the magic of my sensations. How else can I be? but under the aegis of magic. What else is magic? but of the world unseen. How else can I see? but by the light of uncertainty. How can I know me?..but by the shadows my body cast. And the child in me, first and last, is drawn to so much beyond me. Magic entertains...now I see, now I don't. Therefore, shall I always deny what I see, what I feel because so much of what is real is only a small part of what is whole? No, I think not. No, I wont

11  Far and away, I sense enormous extremes. I sense hostile matter rebelling from the pressure of itself, and vast empty space passive to itself. Between the stars, between galaxies of stars is murky darkness...vast regions into which light enters and indefinitely remains. Within these oceans of space, there are only occasional wisps and whispers of movement by strange elementals from faraway places..filaments of material definition that web and give form to the vast mind there. Giant radiant bodies abound, and throughout the oceans of space, they have no bounds in Will, as the fabric of substance is released, as threads of radiant consciousness travel freely throughout clear passageways of void, moving swiftly as gentle currents of space and time. Countless radiant stars expanded and reddened from age, are on the verge of their own final collapse..yielding to the wisdom of change, as space yields to the dint of its fading light. And only by the destiny of convoluted light, do the shadows of my convolutions, willingly approach the light revolting, within the silence of space

12  Needed by all, I am forgotten only by those in constant action and reaction to all. Known as nothing, or facilitator of the mind, and having no dimensions of time, I nevertheless exist..always giving, always permitting even the least of substance to be, whatever it should happen to be. Only through I, does light begin where matter ends, or where matter begins and light ends. As space for logic, I remain sizeless..at the most, relative, where anywhere of me permits freedom for all. And ageless, I inspire unity and division, so a self may see itself, so a thought may contemplate itself. For freedom to be, I am the unquenchable, the untouchable saying, "Equality is truth. Inequalities are but transient imbalances, unable to endure through ever'evolving light. Yet, this imagery of me must abruptly end, since these words cannot truly be me...because how can a word, or something? be equated to me..which is nothing"

 If I was the sun, so far could I surely see. A member of a great society, I would be. And as one center of space and time, I would be traveling amid the starry relations, I would be emitting fine filaments of space in all directions, I would feel others like me shining brightly..I would feel those much older than I, red and swelling in their ending. In the vast void, I am small, and my existence is but a remote outpost of time. I feel the history of others through great rivers of clear space. I feel them as some see my beginning, and some are in their end, as I see their beginning. Like spines of a sea urchin, my body appears...if only one could see the lay of ray that darkness bears. Beyond the limits that substance can bear, I am born reaching out into creation, giving my spontaneous knowing, to whomever is in meditation around me. Being one origin of time, I am rebelling deep from the heaviness of my own weight. So very large am I, that my heart is thick and dense with intense heat. Where I can no longer withstand my greater nature, I separate..into ethers of light, into tentacles of space..into all directions I give new variations, new directions, new evolutions. And from so much want with but a simple need to be, my heart silent and dormant, becomes a single seed to be some time again. And I am salvaged from my dying. From my compulsive giving, do I re'emerge into the changes I have made, by the changes I have become far beyond me, far distant from me, before the capture of red passion at my end

 Or if I was the Earth, the bearer of vanities, I would be. Small, I surely would be, yet, as a deep meditation in a dark misted sleep with starry dreams revolving, upon me evolving, is the life that says, "I am," and each evolves by its own hand, a center everlasting..each with an instinct to survive, placid or fierce, each fated to be awakened by Cupid's dark pierce..for which, simple sleep is a blessing, in addition to the warmth of a fiery star nearby, with its deep internal rebelling. Upon this star's surface does matter end abruptly, does space become apparent so easily, does light journey so readily. In surrender to this star, I am circling its center. Upon a spiraling journey through space am I, basking in the light of starry bright..constantly moving, receiving its radiance, sleeping in rhythms..resting in motion, upon my surface..bits of sun, incarnation. Upon me, conflicts of confronting absolutes encounter and evolve. I am the host. I enable the arbitration of histories long since past. Upon me, the drama of vanity is played..vanities capable of denying all and everything, but themselves. I, polarized, be the unity and diversity, the light and dark spinning. Long ago, upon my final surrender to this dark sleep, the seasons were born. And the living became abundant. And the vanities found a greater world as my ethers pass through them. My airy spirits of the heavens envelop, penetrate, pervade throughout all that lives. If only I was the Earth! upon my surface would the drama of vanities find its course and destination through what is seen, heard, and felt within them, because we are all made of starry light, and so born and reborn, shall we be, when sacred darkness dies, when the nameless becomes conscious and bright, and a feeling, a deep emotion becomes light

 As the moon, magic spells I could spin. The sun would become cool and incandescent in the evening. And seen in the way the mind sees, in reflection, stirring emotion in my image, I would move feelings, alter color, sound, and flavor. In deep meditation around the Earth, I am the memory, the silent remains of the beginning of this small solar world. In deep slumber, my meditation is like a dream for which the seas are always reaching. Gently, slowly away from shoals of bay and back from sea, I feel the moving borders of a vast ocean. I am but a reflection of light, while I imperceptibly spiral toward the affection of my heart. Reflections from me, upon land and water, incandescent blue and velvet silver travels easily, silently through vast arrays of mind. Penetrating all worlds with a bit of stillness, stirring passion from sleeping emotion, I am the midnight sun, a pale yellow'rd light that even in the full phase of my waning, when all is dark and at rest from their eyes, I shine on the far side, the brilliance of a starry body, where spirit only, is living. A silent meditation I shall remain, giving my light freely, so my heart, the Earth, may dream

 If only I was the wind, with the first spirit I would ascend. I could feel always, feeling freely, feeling everywhere beneath the heavens. I would be the ethers that everyone breathes. I would be quiet spirits, rising from silent seas. I would be born upon breaking waters, knowing all ocean shores and swells of sea. From cascading streams, I suddenly awake. From its falling, I would be the misty waters rising over river wakes. Everywhere, moving freely upon this earthen globe, I could feel the finest crevices where the smallest would dwell, feeling the great firmament above where the stars shine well. Upon the earthen floor, I would feel every pebble, every hill. I could know every mountain peak..every cavern, I would seek. As the wind, I would be the spirit over land and sea, living freely..touching lightly upon this globe, and extending to the sky aglow, radiant light would pass through me, and be readily taken by all, far below. And warmth would grow within my body, so all may ride upon a feeling, so some may travel far, spreading deep within oceans..living higher than the highest lands! And like the origins of life that still live..unseen, yet exist...feelings, I freely give

 If I was an arbor, living in one place, knowing intimately its space, would be my life's labor. In the hills, upon mountain sides, throughout many valleys I would dwell. By the sea, and water springs of desertland, by the lakes and aside the streams that feed them, I would grow wherever there is peace upon the land. I would be a lofty tree, and cast cool shade upon soft earth. I would reach upward with all my might, and grow from radiant light. Into earth, I penetrate deeper. Into the heavens I reach farther. The spirit over land and sea presses me harder and harder, and steadily prevailing...sweet gentle wind bearing my seed, from everywhere to everywhere do you proceed. Always moving, and moving me..you, boldly change..I, imperceptibly. The spirits passing through me, move in their individual way, and I, in one place do solemnly stay...going no farther than the waters flowing through me, growing no further than what my body can bear, traveling no faster than the radiant star above, the radiant light, I willingly share..this place on Earth, I love. If I was an arbor, I would reach down into rich substance, and upwards for bright radiance, and holding together the starry body above and the Earth below, I would bend easily to the wind for my seed's sake. Through aestival dawn, I would be wide awake. Through autumn twilight, prepare for sleep. Through winter night, fast asleep. I would live within a special space. I would live quietly, knowing this place, intimately

 As a planet farthest from the sun, I feel so removed from its light, my focus of time. Only a curious onlooker to the universe am I. Within time frozen, in meditation around a sun that appears through my misted spirits, as a dim moon, I am. Far distant am I, from the radiant knowledge of a starry body. I am just a remote entity, a frozen body marooned in deep space, waiting in dark silence. Inside star'ridden space, I revolve in solace around a cold moon. It seems so near in my fantasy, as all the stars seem but figments of a dream. This radiant light I feel, is in its prime, and the rendezvous I have in the future with its reddened end seems as I am, distant and faraway. Within the grips of this vast peace, I must stay. Upon the outer fringes of this planetary realm, I reside. Occasionally, I am greeted by whisperings of foreign places..pleasant distractions that comfort me in my obscurity..obscure to all throughout eons emerging. Far in space, I am silent violent winds. I am frozen waste, and nonexistent. I am distant, dark, and out of sight. The darkness is kind, and makes my moon bright. Deep in space, a mere onlooker am I. A far distant meditation, a silent contemplation within a sea of space I be, waiting for my red dawn..to be warmed by the red passion, of a starry body's end

 Feeling so far away, so long I must live. If only I was anything!..that seems to forever be. If not the sun, the wind or rain, or some distant planet, vacant and waiting, then perhaps some law I could be, until life, in my timelessness, claims me. Yet, like any starry body or Earth, or earthbound moon having clearly a beginning and end, is any law fated any different?..if it is to live. And the universe builds upon and proceeds from law. Within every bit of matter is law, from every thought does law proceed. The laws that make space, embrace the universe. The laws that make a star, are the beginning of life upon Earth. The laws that make Earth, support many lifetimes on Earth. As laws hold together all and everything, I must also be some law's holdfast..at least for as long as my eternities, should happen to last

13  As I feel, all is alive! The Earth is alive like a fertilized egg rapidly internalizing. Of this entity, is the spirit over land and sea, the wind so gentle, so formidable, so dreadful. And there are the creatures of the sea before the creatures of the land, before the creatures of the air. And proceeding further, there is this entity's history packed a'top ebony. And deep within, is the warm center of its heart

 As a creature, I am already traveling through space at a rate far greater than what it would take if I should wish to be released from the foundation I am upon. Looking out within a very thin layer upon this earthen ground, I see generations of creatures coexisting, and I feel as though I am within some vast plan, some living machine that is sustained for some great purpose, even if that purpose is to be no more than..'I am'

 From the sun, sea, and land did I emerge and evolve to feel the heart of this Earth down under my feet...it is molten and fluid, made of feelings like a sea of mercury, deep and heavy...thick, strong, and sure. Above me, my hand extends. The spirits enshroud me. I feel its gentle stroking upon my palm, over my fingertips..unseen, yet vital to me...how very dependent am I, upon so much that is beyond my sight...upon so much I cannot see. How truly independent am I in this night? In constant need I am, of what is unseen. And where past mixes with future, I pass into knowing other embodied histories, living refined memories, seeking solidarities that make probabilities become future. Sometimes I feel a rhythmic crisis within the rhythm of my breathing, a faint stillness..subtle shocks they are, reacting to constant need. Within my bones, deep within my flesh is a history with a long forgotten beginning..a beginning of existential theorems long since mislaid. And so intimately and critically do I need the spirit and elements of Earth, a fool I am destined to be, within the shadow of the creature I am. Creature bound, the death of a dreamless sleep sets me to peace, and when the light brightens...from what do my beliefs originate? How much of what is conscience did I consumate? What end does any unleashed freedom bring? What beginning and end? may any sense of freedom arise

 In this unwitted sleep, what way away from so many mirrors could I go? but inward and deeper than I ever knew before. I descended from a maze of stone leading down under a large arch. Within some dark institution of thought, only darkness was behind me, and ahead of me, at the bottom of the stairs was a large circular grey chamber. A bright light from above cast down onto the earthen floor so that I could only see what was in the middle. I moved into the bright light. Suddenly, furry creatures confronted me, interrupting my path. But slowly and deliberately did I follow. By some remote inkling was I lead, guiding me through the chilly midst of my dread. I perceived a small alcove ahead of me with two small passageways...to the right and down, and to the left and backup into mind. Without hesitation did I move and enter, to descend within, upon the right'hand passageway

 Though afraid, yet relieved with choice made, I moved swiftly and deeper, and soon, in my heart, I perceived from there, the nature of creation...it is magic! Its illusion, wondrous. And sensually in its midst, by irony do I learn! By paradox do I know. With this magic, the touch of earth warms the palm of my hand. The fragrance of a flower is sweet..its texture, discreet..its timbre, unique. The winds unseen, become alive..alive as much as an arbor appears majestic in its lofty wisdom. The sea becomes my blood, the earth my body, and the air, my spirit within. When I recover from the magic of existence, I do seeing no distinction between the elements I perceive and myself. The touch of earth in my palm fills me with its auras. The fragrance of evergreen is delicate..its texture, singular and distinct. The spirits around me become alive from nothing, alive as much as a tree appears lofty and majestic. And the sea becomes blood and flesh. The earth, bones. And the air, spirit within. When I recover from the magic of existence, I see no distinction between all that I perceive and what I am. This magic makes sensation real...from nowhere does it come, and once formed in its own way, becomes the light of me

 Here, amid a universe of worlds, all have their roots in earth and in the sky. They breathe the spirit over land and sea, and they are where the Earth and sun meet, and they are the dispersion of knowledge, to be taken as it may..or not to be taken in any way. Within this Eden, I see precise mechanisms, structural integrity, and functional form. Amid the feelings abounding everywhere around me, I sense a great awareness there, and feel its wisdom. I am filled by the dew beneath my feet. My eyes feel the sky! And my mind sees restless construction and reformation in all creation. My fantasies come alive within the castles, mountains, and valleys in the sky. I am filled with pleasure, feeling my frame from within, feeling the ground I am upon. I stand, touched by the waters of the sky, in the midst of the spirit over land and sea..whispers of wind knowing me. Constant change is around me, and change everywhere I feel...and being so moved, a bit of me now, seems unchanging

 Wisdom seems inborn in every bit of substance as time allows flora to become fauna, or a rock to become sands of a sea. The misty sculptures high, silent ghosts in the sky fading, are ever remade, and arbors thirsty for their essence, hold them as boldly as great basins of rock encup the seas. As I stand fast by an ocean with its rhythm at my feet, lost I feel in the waters beyond the horizon. I have dipped my head in its substance, felt its cool silky essence, and a distant faraway shore. I have looked into the mirror of a silent sea, where an image appeared..a dark mood in reflection, mystified by the vastness of the pool beneath my feet. Upon a sea, its stillness opens me, and the peace of open space above, seeps into me

 In motion with the Earth on its long meditative journey, I feel the sea, its emotion, heavy and streaming. And upon a mid darken’d day, did large arms and long foamy fingers of all shapes, rear and grasp for the sky. Rising sea serpents and unspeakable creatures I have never before seen, appear high, and disappear with deadening crashes and bone'chilling roars. Humbled under the guise of control, an inbeing need I feel. Swells deepen. I feel the great swirling grace of this entity around me, feeling its imponderable might entering, surging within me

 As I feel, I see incandescent lights in the stormy derangements of foam a'top crests of froth'consuming passion approaching, rushing towards me in the dark of night. And rising, swiftly rising and descending into its trough, something in deep sleep suddenly stirs amid these dark'brooding waters. In the middle of this nighted heart, the sea, she suddenly turned!..sweet, deep, serene. And I, tempered by the moon moored upon the sea, its body dwarfs me to some point in mind..and upon the verge of a self abeyed, I shift the direction of my steadfast gaze, to avoid this time, the enchantment of a beauty, I sense in the depths before me

 Within this spirited darkness, in the wake of my path, little creatures much smaller than I, charged by the radiance of the sun, blink their lights, sparkling the crests of waves, making the wakes of a sea, magical..my fantasy real. In their light I feel, they are more conspicuous than I. Deep within creation they are. A mere witness I seem to be, who can see this vast magnificence, this boon of existence..this sea, which has fostered me

14  As the stars are, I feel pressed until no more can be felt, until that part of what I once was, changes from dark to light, like essence of sun becoming conscious and bright, traveling throughout creation. As the blinking brightness of the stars are, my images are those of the past. But as a creature, I am delivered from past and future, and now enveloped by the darkness upon me, I am silent in a great firmament, absorbing brightly like some dust'ridden nebula, deep in space, where light enters and stays, until I too, rebel from my own weight

  As the deserts are, I feel a conspicuous lack of life, particularly at night when I am suddenly uplifted, in union with my dark starry companion. And closer, overhead, are the dark moods of the waters passing through yellow'd silver hues of the lesser light, as it enlightens the darkness..bluing silver linings of dim vision that forever seem to be..for the bottoms of feelings, for purple moons laying me down upon the ground. At peace perhaps, I would feel seeking without, whatever should emerge within..seeking the boundaries there, dwelling upon some desert's edge. When the moon is shining full, it breaks through dark clouds falling, and a small running brook upon a desert, flows darkly within me. This bit of rivulet, conforms to every bit of dusty ground until it swells as a small pool. Aside this pool, I feel remnants of old from ancient dreaming. I feel the waters within...they are cool, fresh, and clear. I feel them passing through...as without, so within..as within, so without, the darkness of space becomes the brilliance of a star..murky clouds become waters flowing, suspending and refreshing all life growing

 And the dust in me is drawn'up into the life of me, and as I was before, within a luminous womb, initiatives of first light become changelings, seeking themselves without. Living, I cannot otherwise but be, the living darkness that is, in the beginning, temporary...the living light that in the end, is limited. Mesmerized, befooled, subdued..salvaged and delivered from too much darkness or too much light, I live the eternities, and this one enpassing

15   In haven, there is the flora. Of the flora, there are the arbors. Upon fertile ground, an arbor's seed swells, and its body grows, rooting equally into darkness and light. The arbors are majestic no matter how small, no matter how unseen, because they are each many histories, many evolutions in one. They are each, the very end of so much that has lived

 Long ago, its plain leaves turned to folds of color, to dark vivid splendors of clustered pedals, to the sweet fragrance today of immortal surrenders. And such a complete and dedicated surrender a tree blossom is. To liken it, one must bear and offer enchanting fragrance, compelling color, the most of one's sensitivity to an alien spirit, for new life, the regeneration of it

 And within a world as dark as it is light, I may reach deep down into my darkness, reaching out into my conscious bright, and perhaps become a bit more like the arbor, knowing the blessings of a world much larger

16  Here, amid unseen radiance, amid a steady'state peace, wholly absorbed am I, by the misty splendors of a hidden lake. This place labors calm, through many delicate sounds, and of many subtle fragrances, the misty waters high above, have blended intimately with the sweet earth below. Occasionally, there are whiffs of wind, little spirits that play with only a single leaf of a tree. Stately flora in the gold of sun, dream'states they are, in the open and bright, arising from dark shadows of forever'green arbors, rising to meet the tides of light

 With spirit supine, I ascend. I travel nowhere in time. I am but a passenger in conscious slumber upon this Earth, traveling through a vast mind. Here, in this place, one may wonder naught or ponder absently, as one basks within this pastoral stillness. And with an occasional buzz on a fast path, ensearching the sweetness of some passion nectar, gentle warmths of this little haven readily penetrate and pervade throughout me. Within this haven, am I endowed with bles'sed unknowing, un'selfaware, given to this moment, within its eternity and beyond, without future or past, this moment moves relatively slow, as unchanging one may be, or fast, as forever changed one may become

 If this moment could not be, I would feel its heavy absence, I would feel this existence of me..but life, only weakly. For lack of life and life to keep, my soul would morn, my soul would weep for this moment that remakes the soul of my deep. And for its return, I wake to this moment calling, leaving past and future dreams for another time. And I return, my senses return for life to live in this moment living, and for my soul...no more weeping

17  Gradually yielding, the heaviness of youthful dispositions settled into meditation around a young star. As the heart of my foundation settled, peace prevailed, and stillness seeped into the waters as the waters took form. The beginnings of Earth were the bare beginnings of cognition when primitive light co'mingled with aimless feelings. In the great turmoils that preceded me, awareness was primeval, unfocused, and the simple consciousness of a cell had only occasional rest as upheavals of matter express deep feelings of fire and chaotic thought. And greater beginnings emerged as primitive consciousness evolved upon and through itself. Only from consciousness, can consciousness spring. A vast system is alive! The universe is alive! And in it, I occupy but miniscule space, a brief passing, a blink of eternity's eye, however much occupied I would be with query, and caught up within its hidden currents. I have become openly, the need to feel the stars, and know their space..and with but one feeling, one thought, I also give to this universe, a place and time

 In my time and space, I can be no more or less than the weight of my dreams drifting over the foundation under my feet. And my Earth, though passive to me, knows all the stars!..as the living universe is one constructing, deconstructing..ever evolving, de'evolving body. As this Earth slowly turns and journeys around a radiant star, the light and dark of me changes, as the Earth changes, and I rest within the changing seasons, as many..many thousands living in so many different ways, change

 Into the depths of frozen ground and freezing wind over which starry bodies circle, my spirit wanders within a stillness of mind, where the waters of me transform into delicate crystalline asters, growing in all directions

 Spirit rises from the surface of seas, ascending high, a misty canopy high above the earthen floor. And because I am free to wander, stormy moods freely brood into vast circular continuums, having in its center..peace, traveling upon a path within violent upheavals of indecision

 Of all the flora I am. Of all the creatures am I. I am the living, the vast myriad of newborn, reborn, sudden dark encounters. As the voices of many dreams, I am self possessed within tiny dark worlds..seeing, feeling, each moment like the weight of a golden crown. And within one creature, I bask, drinking heavy heat, feeling its spirit course through my veins. And quickly into darkness do I move, being of those who run from light. Into the cool soil I burrow, upon a safe branch I cling, within narrow crevices I hide, amid the flocks I sing. As I be so many desires within, I seek their end, outside. Of the Earth, wind, and sun, of self'conscious creatures so painfully begun..even the extremes of my nature must conform to this Earth's meditation. I be the memories of lasting wonders, knowing spirit, fragrance, and colors. And living with only a bare memory of the moment before, my greater whole lives indentured by constant distress...a prey becoming a hunter, or a hunter, hunted by success

 All of this is of me, day and night silently. As the motion of light and dark was my birth, it is now my rhythm, my breathing. As the Earth turns, from snowdrift calm, to mornings warm, I feel the floras aroused from long sleep. Great creatures rise to radiant days from nurturing nights. And as Earth completely turns, and day becomes equal to night, the flora shed their blossoms..by their leaves abundantly falling, they weep, not for new life or new seed, but for the solitudes of the dark cold nights of winter's deep

 And when the time of day is shortest, and nights are starless, in this great darkness, within its song of sleep, the seeds are protected. And I rest from the pain, and the many adventures of change, and the many of I, become the many new changes that remain from that time, of misty morns, of warm shade and bright days, and fragrant blossoms, and the many fruits under the brilliant spanse above

18  Before us, is a frozen winterland. Here, time built an icy mass, and many eons passed with dust'darkened skies, and with the sun so dimmed, the Earth became very cold, and great mountains and vast plains of ice spread, overrunning the living, both young and old

 The winds moved swiftly and violently, and frozen peaks became large and jagged as though reaching upward to defy the radiant gold there. Across the masses of ice where life once flourished, frozen valleys and great icy rifts stretched to the other side of the horizon, and for many eons did shearing misted sleet speak, from rigid crevices of frozen mountain peaks

 But as this Earth had its way, the fine bits of dust did fall, and the great continents of ice, as rapidly as they grew tall, now melt away. Lofty icy mesas cracked and crumbled. Giant white masses slowly withdraw its thick protruding fingers, grinding and smoothing great basin valleys. Massive boulders, ground and polished, lay dark beneath open skies. And out from its icy tomb, the earthen floor appears, and life, long since past and fast asleep, awakens to reveal its dreams

 A flower bursts open and radiates. Glacial water floods the plains and spills over, a'falling, coursing, and cutting deep valleys, and raging rivers fill great basins on their way to a deepening sea. Ebbing streams become ponds, gathering and regathering, and barren masses of ice receding, leave last, a small lake, a vestige of a violent frozen past

 Flora and creatures of all kinds appear. We feel great spirits arouse the surface of a lake, and we feel heavy from endless changing..formations and re'formations of imposing Wills to be, throughout the seasons. With the delicate balances of creatures and plants growing and thriving, the lake thickens, mellow in spirit..purpose fulfilled, the years of its life are nearly spent

 Its surface breaks into shallow pools, over which a new entity grows in complexity. And of this entity, all struggle to be. All so readily take for their needs..each for themselves, for their own kind, for the drama of vanities is so well staged

 Within this single space, while we stay, a single seed has fostered many small worlds as creatures' blending passions become a single need of a great complex entity..to simply be, within a single breath of a season's day. When daytime opens wide, we feel golden beams penetrate a cool misty dawn. We see within this darken time forcasten, beads of mist appear upon lilies, and we see across shallow pools with new light that only moments before was darken

 The moor, the heart of this entity, is thickened with sparkling dew upon green'deepened grass sheltering an occasional ripple across its pond..where lilies provide a foundation for little creatures that lap the moisture of leaves upon shallow pools..lucid pools that readily give the sky back to itself, day and night. Old life is dormant, as a multitude of spirits bear many winged creatures in flight. And high above, large arbors spread their knowledge upon the Earth, as they stand to the spirits over land and sea. And of the living, holding sublimations of sea, only steady’states between predators and prey, will harmony be

 Above, thick'misted waters darken for a moment, the peace of this moor. Showers burst from the sky, and the light turns bright. And when we look afar, we see the heaven'bowe display, the inner nature of a radiant star. Radiant beams are the source of spirits' deep within this entity, a great diversity! life a'plenty! Warm feelings rise to the sky from the moor, and as the radiance above begins to set, the spirits of this entity blend in harmonic chaos..their voices in rhythm with laws, that seem to know all, but time

 They mellow quiet as a starry night covers the tips of arbors, and its dark side awakens warm, with the balm of sleep. And at the end of our stay, we sense that one day has given a small measure of sustenance to some, an end to some, and a beginning to others. And we see the sky darken deep upon this dream come true..in the face of small pools that mirror the sparkling night, and slowly turn its memory..far, far back to the cold bleak origin of its beginning

19  The waters are a vast entity, and from deep caverns and valleys long, to the plains and hills beyond,  and to the mountains ascending high, to the greater reaches of sky, the waters flow, dissolving and wearing away, by giving way to the lay of the land. I embrace every mountain, probe every cavern, cover great canyons. I am moved gently by the moon. I feel the greatness of Earth, and the vastness of the sea, where the radiant sun transforms me, in an instant. And free above mountains, I seek their peaks, upon which, I remain in contemplation of the new haven, I have seen

 It is my nature to separate easily, and readily return as I was before, as I rise, regathering in the skies..rising high to the stars, only royal blue passes through. Of creation, I am a simple entity. Of the living, an essential medium. From within my silver linings, I am a bit of sea surrounded by solitudes of space, and the heart of Earth pulls me, and I begin my long journey back, and become a small pool of a moor, or the deep of a lake, the ripple of a pond, or as a simple bead upon a blade of grass, I am taken up. By all creatures and floras, am I taken, for my wandering changing essence am I taken..yet beyond my many reprieves, my spirit streaming in its final sinuous journey, shall meet the shoals, the quiet depths, the deep blue plains of my beginning

 And upon return, the sea of me speaks, "In the heavens, great laws of creation exist simply and boldly. Perpetual motions of matter and perfect ebbs of space maneuver and conduct their dialogues within the great expanse of everything everywhere." Yet, however great and bold such eternal dialogues between light and dark are, they can suddenly vanish. From a history of such conversations, there is no final victory for any part of creation, nor ultimate victor of light even if timeless..nor sovereign mind, even if endless. There is only the living, in all and everything, its eternities, its eternal return of  beginnings and endings 

20  Long ago, humankind dwelled closely with other natural orders of evolution, living intensely, living so..the past quickly dims, and future is made somewhere within the darkness of habit and instinct. Within this distant past, city dwellers were not always as secure as the pastoral people because they often suffered disease and sudden famine, which brought upon them...pestilence that would seep into the isolated and depraved, and penetrate deep, even into the privileged gentile. Its darkness of cause spared no one. In such an environ, intense competition begets and selects the strongest of wills, the sharpest of minds. Even the most visionary suffered amongst themselves with feverish aspirations, conflicting passions, and protracted states of vainglorious light

 Struggles of intellect sought recognition, and one or another prevailed, and the new creatures came to be..seekers of truth with null'spaced mind..being far more enabled, to remain stable within their natural isolation. Knowing and embracing the void, they applied their powers of reason and lived freely in mind..fearless, unassuming, only they, unashamed of their own darkness, became enlightened beyond their own light. And a body of knowledge arose, an undaunted spirit arose, endeavoring to keep the cause of the effect distinct from that, which is within the whims of imagination, habits of thought, or passions wrought, seeking their own end

 These creatures revered their body of knowledge while it carefully, rapidly grew. They nurtured it, and refined it, for knowledge is the lethal light to future's dark snake. Out from many customs and traditions brought forth from an obscure primordial past, the gentile and royal societies steadily grew from the spoils of territorial and philosophical conflict, and by this, a history exists, in which leisure provided the luxury of contemplation, and thought freely traveled, wandering near and far, navigating by the brightest star. Through centuries of romance with insight this body of knowledge shed light far beyond what is momentarily seen, heard, or felt. This entity of knowledge became very powerful..yet, as righteous as it was about truth in the passive world, its self'righteousness made human a quantity, a variable in a equation, a corollary to an axiom, a step in an algorithm

 And war raged upon time, and through the time of generations, knowledge became more powerful..access to which, was available to any who could add to its body. And bit by bit, the charm of an era of kings and queens passed, as the pastoral people at last, became the ruling middle class society

 Such a rule brings a wealth of time, and such wealth brings the same problems with idleness, with all its time saving means, as kings and queens had in the past with all their territorial extremes. The meaning of human fades, and humankind feels displaced and obscure, how ever dominant they are, amid the natural orders of things. Yet, within the darkness of change, masters of mind are inevitably born. And we seek, we search for those revering life, because they, who venerate life, walk a royal path

21  Formless but solid..changeless yet living, it is freely created and formed in many ways..by mechanical forces, by great pressures and tempering heat, by fires of self'serving light and dint of sovereign beliefs having set upon it..its imprinted dictums, having contracted and solidified, create a profound stillness. Within its midst, we feel an uneasy peace, a deep detachment from everything. We feel a silent presence within this particular dimension of time, and every facet, every part of its shapeless form is so tightly bound and uniquely rigid that even under great heat or coldness, it would be moved but little

 Fired and cooled into stillness it is. Upon mountain tops it rests. From deep beneath the Earth it has arisen to be, formed by the stillness of the mind it bears. And while compounding upon itself from primitive elements of thought, it may render back tenfold, what has touched upon it. So active and spontaneously responding, life so often feeling so far away from so deep within, it knows it must inevitably end. But first, with a hearty laugh and a silent cry, it always feels that it shall never die, being some passing eternity, having been so formed by emotion's dark heat..feeling incomplete after so much having been sought, it will die from its first original thought. Yet, die not, entering not, into eternities of light, until it has secured well, its freedom of mind

22  Into the thought of its intellect, I plunge. And soon I feel..chilling ethers thinned by vast stretches of space. Great regions of void were made by self'seeking light, and for greater space beyond the fires of pious dreamlight, freedom was sought

 In the quest for power, time burns from the fire of knowledge, and freezes from the ice of indifference. The proud warrior of truth fights bravely with clarity of mind. Yet, such power, over'weighted from ambition, and hardened by ego'driven utopias, ignores the sensuous, hides the sensual..makes dichotomy its mortal enemy, and 'negative capability,' zero. Transparent forms of sensual need waver as ghostly apparitions within a body profoundly separated from the knowledge it contains

 Seated deep within these creatures of knowledge are two inflexible laws. One states that all is contained and connected, where its elements are neither spontaneously gained, nor lost, but always converted to some other form of motion, into some other dimension of order. The other is viewed by disappointed idealism overstating that all systems are possessed with a net loss of motion, and with time enpassant, motion will cease. All will be equal with no more want

 In pondering, one belief says there is no general loss nor gain of spirit, implying immortality of substance. And the other belief implies that all is ending, slowly disappearing into some grey purgatory of diffused light within some entropic ground state, where all spirit is fading into some imagined immutable stillness, from which all somehow arose in its beginning 

 These beliefs become peculiar only when they are paired as a general reality, for such a reality, consuming the substance that serves as vehicle for its own existence, is surely possessed with an urgent quest to acquire knowledge. Soon, great vistas of mind fostered new isolations and new societies. This is a time when humans began to reach for the images of stars, driven by instinct, returning upon an ancient path through the starry firmament. Passion stricken for knowledge, war raged between the intellects as they vied for power and fame. As these bodies of knowledge rooted themselves into human societies, many old world instincts compelled one to run..running from, living betwixt, and enchanted by the power of a facility that comprehends both the void and the never ending. And when their labors began to save time and extend life for all, so eminent and dedicated did they radiate..like blue is to deep ocean, wholly committed to query were they, and to knowledge for knowledge sake

 Humans were seen as machines, a complex of infrared fusions of heat, interference patterns of pulsating desires...indifferent mechanical forces of law, subjugated by electromagnetic orders of passive consciousness. Human was often lost therefore, within one time machine or another..under many systems of pressure, temperature, and elemental exchanges between fibers and cells, where intentions, feelings, and emotions are measured and calculated, where every energy gained, measures and records every feeling lost. And shadowed to gain from worlds of impending doom, fear looms as a shadow greater than the body, always closeby..intimately, always present, and deeply dark in the bright of day. And disappearing so easily under the blanket of night, spending the peace of night remembering energy lost, forgetting spirits gained, so this worlds proceeds, from night to night, lost to lost...from refrain to refrain, the solitary fears begetting many..all, for the sake of knowledge gain

 In the midst of all this fear, of power too much to bear, I too, reach for ‘all and everything’ without wanting to be indentured by any of it, reaching to be as any creature could ever be..at one in common with others, and unique. So darkened from the deep of one's shadow, does one search to belong. Like newborn roots seeking the waters by one's means..through the possibility that a single feeling may live beyond the lifetime of a star, through a mind that may embrace a family of stars, or through an emotion that may always be, and felt in many ways, like a blossomed bud...with fragrance and color..in harmony with everything changing, as chance variation and an un'interrupted environment allows it to be. From my deep, I breathe need. I eat and sleep need, and I readily abandon any ambition that endeavors to fully comprehend the all and the never'ending

 I have come this far from the shapeless heart of a formless mind. Out from the darkness, apparent nothingness, did I arise from so much that has preceded me for so long. And in search of meaning, I need some blinding light that narrows the passion for the eternity I am in, through which I am driven'on to be equally, time and timeless..to be all feeling gained, my time would give

 Should I fail, life then, surely, would rapidly decay and proceed directly to an end..living, but only pretend. Yet fail not! by living the passion..pursuing the insight, as vain and hopeless to capture a rose with words may be, is to live freely and freely be, in its pursuit

23  Time is part human, part beast..eternal and mortal, an entity for sure. It is human, an ever'quest of soul..yet beastly, readily feasting upon anyone who should lose sight of its measure..and eternal, being self aware..and mortal! as its changing moods begin and end. Deep vibrations steadily pulsed from this entity. The air seemed thick and pungent from its steady commanding tone, and like a bad dream, only very slowly could I move in the presence of its heavy gravity. And soon, with my earthly soul having been caught within its grip, I fell out of mind and landed far, from Time's delicate charm. I felt a new sensation while I attempted to comprehend its unusual expression. Such a mixture!..contentment and anguish. It seemed to change between bliss and pain..disconnected and connected, changing with each melody..silence alternating with dramatic sound, mixing all that could possibly be felt. I felt fear, but no halting fear because its subtle rhythm surrounding, entered and so easily became a part of me. And soon, I was compelled to step slowly forward. I saw it clearly, as disbelief consumed me, until I was again shaken by my senses, having been so darkly given and taken. I felt that surely, this entity had come for me. Feeling uneasy, and gripped by a wavering voice penetrating, I felt this sentient beast speak

 "I sense the presence of self awareness!..that particular mystique of soul's aspiration, that quest of soul to forever live, that desire of heart to just simply be, that affliction of mind in eternity

 "Here..in my own place, I am a fixed station of mind, yet my beginning and ending is approximate. And though isolate and obscure, I nevertheless configure space as one faculty of mind among many

 "Your need though, my traveler, is of an uncommon nature. You do not seek the peace, a resonance with eternal energy. I sense that you search to know a single answer to a great secret...a key to all knowledge, that great power throughout and beyond! that fine thread, which can separate misinterpretation from fact. The key to my power is yours to possess, my traveler. If you can give the answer without pause, I will give you the disposition and space to carry its heavy weight

 "From what? may I ask, do all paradoxes originate. Through what condition of the firmament? does all life eternally propagate"

 Without pause, I answered, "Time!" And immediately, a vast void contained me

 And what a turn of world is this!..that every belief, every idea, word, or notion is subject to question. Where time was the bond servant of youth, that bond had been paid with the last pain. And for Time to live, I was compelled to move again into the world, to live among passions and pride, and re'experience everything I know, that has now been set into motion

 As I was before, many centers of darkness was I..of mystery's shadow even darker cast, I was of dim shallow knowing, but unable to fast from the glimmers of light upon my path, I pursued the fear, to face its night, and felt the end of many timeless lights. What I felt was time, self'aware in me

24  I sense the salt in the air and the deep open sea, and relieved from my timelessness and its impending doom, my bones feel the roar of waves in rhythm with the moon. And the moon, now laying its silver walkway across an open sea, invites me

 In the evening when the night is heavy and silent and the distant roar of breaking waters fills me, I remember the extremes of desire and hate..of light too brief, of affection also too brief. I remember dimly, vain passions rapidly aging, from the destinies of what they cannot see

 The face of hate was contorted with dark anguish and aggressive fevers. It was white and grey and clammy with the sweat of willful condemnations. It was contracted with cold determination, without hesitation or hint of reservation. Its constricted rage is a passion of wrath and destruction, and in its sublime, hate uses the intricacies of time, to mastermind its own end. From behind this face of white and grey, and black rays radiating from wounded eyes, is a floundered mechanized mind thinking absolutes, inflammations of soul, vying for control. From the dint of unconditional beliefs, red patches of desire freeze the mind, and cause infection, seeking self destruction. Such is the way of hate, what lurks behind its moody veil

 And the face of carnal addiction to libidious desire was one of protracted anguish..of muddy deep colors, warm, opaque and vague. And how intense is such desire! How mercurial, shifting, and dark. Occasionally, dark patches of gloom, would brood behind a shifting raptured and placid face, needing to be deeply touched so great, that the mouth and nose always remained inflamed. Fate upon this dark face said doom, as this space of mind remains on its isle, of eternal desire

 And the face of judgment!..appears with intersecting black lines of mind amid bright yellow and faded pastel colors. This face was fixed like stone, portraying some insipid image, presidiary, moody..mourning incarcerated emotion. And through its passion for indifference and resignation, dark worlds of lust and hate mated more quickly...to suffer the condemnations of judgment..as inflictions of hate and lust were given from greater inflictions of pain and afflictions of despair, with which they were unconcerned, except for their own, 'eye for an eye'

 I have seen many of them, and my head pulsing with pain, reels from eternity's dark snake. I need to rest upon calm rhythms of salted waters. I need to feel the earthen floor and retreat into its misty ethers, and be moved by approaching dark bluing tunnels curling down upon this aestival dawn...swelling, rolling, cresting and breaking, and laying me down within its quiet, melodic, faraway roar

 In its thumping rhythmic lapping upon the shore, I find temporary rest from the knowledge of time. I sense delicate cool fingers of this vast sea, slip over my feet, sinking me into soft sand. Rooted, I feel a grand universe around me. I feel its turning. I feel embraced by this warm haven amid cold stark space. And I feel assured that every thought, every face of mind, every dark passion is indeed, a necessary part of creation, how ever pungent or bittersweet its need may be. And I feel no less significant than the image of a starry body that boldly ventures. And I feel no greater than the crystal grains that hold my feet, or the brisk fleeting spirits upon my cheek

 Looking down the moving border between the sands of shoal and sea, I see broad stairs slowly rising through misted rusted rays, arising to a greater horizon. Here, I feel original birth, I sense primeval beginnings as this vision and sea meet and blend into a white misty temple of drowned lingering thunder. Deeply soothing, its billowy mists envelop me, and resting, I feel all passion'stricken moods blend..distant, and faraway. I feel salty spray cover me. I hear the chanting of foamy dark waters..of soft rolling mists..like the substance of clouds beckoning me to a horizon, I feel rising..ascending out to sea..rising far distant to either side of me, merging, disappearing over my feet. At the edge of these waters knowing me, I ascend towards an unbroken sea, and I hear movements of music, a grand symphony..the misty stairs, and the cry of creatures in the air, breaking upon my feet

 By this ocean, upon its shore, I feel clean, I feel new. Some dim memory, some primordial beginning enters me. Feeling the celestial rhythms, this misty peace penetrates, and enveloping me, I am able to begin..feeling the soft earth give way to my feet, feeling the warmth of my home to come

25  My journey began. And soon I became readily absorbed in this haven, of so many driven...searching for a snack to eat, a bit of water to drink...a fear to beat, or reconsider, and retreat. Searching for cool shade, a quiet place to sleep..for an itch to scratch, or mate to keep. In the midst of all this, un'self'consciousness..I need not be so active as they. Calm and blended, I am comforted in this dreamlike meadow where the sun lays gold upon an arbor, laying its labor down upon meadow grass, and over lilies of a pond. And I walk upon green carpets attached to Earth, to stone, upon which I recline, within which I feel all colors of mind around me, and listen to the symphony, of its simple activity

 From all this, I once arose from a night of peace to sunshine early in the morn, where the sky was unnoticeable because of bright yellow flowers by a pond, little ones that hold gold in tiny cups. And the fragrant mist in the air was obscure because small beads upon the gold there, sparkled from a radiant body in the heavens. The early morning starry bodies could not be seen fading into the hidden memory of day, because at my feet was fresh coolness, and inside me was a spell of an early morning meadow, and a wish that I may hear its voice

 An arbor towers over me. Its broad silence speaks, the darkness of Earth and starry bright, marriage of knowledge and unlight

 Tiny creatures are upon the ground feverishly in search of, tiny fruits of such bright color, that surely they were designed, to catch the eye of a passerby, be consumed, and travel beyond where the horizon touches the sky

 And high up within a domicile of twigs and mud, in an instant, the birth of a universe of one was interrupted by another needing its unborn descendants

 And quickly down, upon a path wynding through, around stately arbors..wandering between sources of scent, its spirit unspent, occasionally nibbling on some obscure edible, and dipping its catch in water, to make it digestible

 Such a self'assured pose do I feel until its swift passing was as swiftly, intercepted. And now, with a larger creature, I rest high up upon an arbor arm. Radiance shines bright and warm upon its face. Gentle breezes move small branches and leaves. Light and shade play upon its body, until sleep lays this powerful creature into peaceful detachment

 And from the atonement that this creature has temporarily gained with the wood around it, I am moved to the same under the arbor that harbors it, amid so many diverse impulses, all a'blending, harmonic derangement, so many ways of life..intricately, delicately interchanged. I sense a complex entity, pervading all and everything around me. I feel closer to it. I feel whole and moved inward by it

 I drift out to the leaves of this arbor where I meet the bright gold of the sun, and reaching upwards with the arbor, I sense at its roots, dark Earth. And there, a myriad of tiny creatures live. Thousands, all shapes and sizes...greatest, devouring greater, consuming larger, eating smaller, seeking smallest, ensearching largest. And suddenly within me..out of a dark night, I see a new entity rise up! and stretch itself throughout a day, twilight, and dormant night of this season's evening. I see it!..its subtle balancing, its timeless movements through a myriad of spirits with inherited memory from the desperate moments of a life before...small, large, fixed..freely moving everywhere, anywhere...this haven, an entity living!..all around me

 I feel it deep within the Earth, at the bottoms of vast seas..reaching, spreading throughout all lands. And upon the stairs ascending from land to sea, I descended into the midst of this haven, that comprehends end, only to be a means of new beginnings. In the quiet heat of a sunny afternoon, I may rise and lay high in the sky, far distant from the daily toil they make, where all I know to be me, may rest, while I..awake

26  Stirring within, is so much of me moving upon its own, blending and settling as I remain in suspension. Vacant. Eye windows opened, shutters closed. Conscious of no thing, except for an occasional sense of my own breath. I am no where now, far from time. I am here behind the shutters, within the dim consciousness of dusty barren walls and old lace windows. Feeling restless, in search of a center within me, I contemplate the center of other things

 The center of an ocean is an island. The center of land is a lake. The center of chaos is indifference, values without weight. The center of a storm is peace, and within peace are aspirations of Will, as they reachout within an indefinite mind, very still. The center of compromise, is of a kind, enabled to perceive itself, and itself in another. The center of conversation is passion. The center of realities is interpretation, made by self revelation. Misinterpretation is the center of tragedy. Yet, how easily can such a cross be the center of comedy. The center of war is alienation. The center of wisdom, is knowledge of self dominate, and the self coordinate. The center of fulfillment is the many and one, co'dominate. The center of haven is a temple of mind. From the windows of its atrium, a garden can be seen, and in its center, is a red, red rose at the end of a path, wynding blindly through pleasure and pain...a quiet rose with penetrating fragrance, essence of devotion, passion..compulsion. Such fondness is my heaven and torment, loving every bit of variation, every law of creation..every fascination, every facet of mind, and its contemplation

27  Aye, I once ascended those stairs on the shoals of a sea and journeyed far out into its deep. Aye! in the deep violent dark of a moonless night, stood I, fast with steady reverent eye, cast into its midst. The swells of  this sea transformed my thought and feeling into a quiet meditating chant, a rhythm that lulls the senses and commands the whole to feel the great surges of wind that have pushed the waters into slow'moving, undulating valleys and hills

 Yet, ominous signs they are, as I gape at the rugged moving valleys below. And the seas come alive! from the spirits in the heavens above, as I stand fast, facing unsteady ground, giant bodies are in movement upon the surface of the black deep. All forms, all sizes and shapes rise to meet fearsome apparitions, already alive within me. So quickly do they form that monster serpents, flying dragons, shapeless heads of countless, unspeakable creatures become murky and dark forming, gathering under bolts of light in the distance

 Swishing, hissing spray covers my lips, and upon tasting this violence before me, an entity comes alive! and suddenly within, I hear its soft, but penetrating voice..."Beware! what you behold now are only foothills. What you hear, is only a stirring, an arousal. Stay where you are, if you feel only space where your heart should be, that you may be fulfilled there, with what is to come"

 I listened intently to this entity, and I decided to stand fast and face this great sea in what seemed to be surely, her darkest, foulest mood impending. I spread my legs broadly upon the deck. I grip the railing and become one with my vessel. The sky deepens into a menacing black nothingness that I had never before seen. The sea suddenly wells up into an enormous surge, and thunder pounds down upon the deck of the ship. The hiss of the water mist follows the rising and sudden falling of the ship's bow. My grip upon the rail is painfully strained within this violent darkness, as my ship rolls until it shudders upon the brink, only to recover, as though a steely hand, surfeit to the ship's hull, keeps it from going, all the way over. Standing straight am I. Fixed to the railing, I face directly, the black foamy waters before me. Thrashing white foam, forward and aft, tosses and turns my ship as though it was some mere toy. In a sudden moment, I feel so small in this universe..an insignificant speck that would not be missed if I should be consumed by the violent fury, rising high before me

 Giant ogres, bigger than ever, emerge from huge mountains rising higher and higher above me. Strong spirits of this magnificent entity, lash at me, and try to tear me from the railing, that has become a part of me. I remain firm against great whirling spirits passing over, around, and throughout me. Great mountain ridges foam and roar, and crash'down upon the valleys far below. Dark waters are raging, throwing onto the surface of my body..a fine mist. Her delicate veil envelopes me with such a grip..she beckons and tempts me to submit to the heavy gravity I feel, from the bosom of this vast, unpredictable beauty

 But my grip upon the rail also restrains fearful imagination, and I feel the whole of my ship, bucking and listing, rolling and twisting. I stand firm feeling the shudder of the rails. My rigid body faces the murky turbulence above. The shudders pass through, again and over again, as mountain peaks of foam rise to tower around me, and passing under me, lashing viciously, at the ship's bow, in angry fits of self sovereignty. Hundreds of angry arms there are with howling haunted voices that resent the presence of this foreign body I am upon...that I am myself! within this deep night

 Thrashing and pounding, each violent assault of an angry monster, sounds as deep rumbling drums. Its misty ethers insult the roar of the waters, and the base of distant thunder. Through thundering pounding wakes of over'weighted swells, suspended within, I pass before an entity, moving the deep within me

 And in this pitch of night, I am filled as the salty mists cover me over, and over again. And I stand strong against my own fantasies. Raging monsters remain only..as waters upon water's deep. Suspended in this rage upon these seas, I sense strength growing in my bones, and my veins feel war, my mind at ease...there is something new within me. I breathe the salted spirits around me. I feel deeply, this gift I bear. The salt in me already knows from where it came, and I am prone before the grand magnificence of its primeval scream, as I feel the shudder of the ship I am upon

 In this time approaching the mid of night, angry winds of a foaming sea became faraway. The sea became silent and laid me deep into conscious calm. So much peace I feel where there was none before. Where could I possibly go?..but into a living dream where the rage of this dark sea is not anger at all, but rather..the romance of a beautiful, fathomless lover

 I see her, in the sea, over land, a'top windblown snow mist from high mountain peaks, and within the ebb of night, wherever I may be, I stand fast in the midst of raging spirits over land and sea, gazing steadily upwards into the murky heavens where only the moon of her dark spirit can be seen against towering arbors..wise enough to surrender to her commanding presence

 I, knowing her, live to be with her, as her mood turns with the seasons..from dormant unrest to the many songs of a highland flower, riding upon gentle breezes, upon which..a kindly fragrance beckons life from afar, to a domain of sweet nectar

28   Traveling has taken me to many places, and my quest has lead me to witness many visions, many spiritual paths. I gravitate back to my normal space and time. I move, drifting over, under, throughout this Earth. I sense the smallest, but not the least, and the greatest, but not the most within this living temple

 I peer outwards through a clear dome overhead in the mid of night, and I am awed, I am swept away by the immensity of the sparkling expanse of tiny blinking specks revealing a vast universe that can be so easily equaled by just one of its bits laid bare, self aware. I feel the apparent insignificance of this tiny Earth, where the least bit here too, can, self'aware, assume a self significance greater than all that is, enough to darken all else into momentary oblivion while I feel vast seas in rhythm with phases of moon, moving the waters..setting into motion, the emotion of all living

 I enter day or night at will. I drift over land and sea amid great spirits that arouse great seas. And any that would venture to live, I felt for brief moments, their need to live the adventure, feeling impassioned quest..seeking that universal..the lover, seeking the darkness of the beloved, witnessing the boldness of a lover who would for love, perceive the shadows of their mind, and bringing into the light what is there, spontaneously undergo transfiguration there

 I feel without troublesome reason to feel..feeling, simply being and all its sensations. I am soothed by living auras. Blissful balm. Spirit calm, I drift over great territories of mesa bluffs, arbors, and vast plains of tall grass gently swaying from the spirits over land and sea. Looking across its undulating surface, I see twilight between day and night move slowly over, and whenever day darkens, missing shadows bring drops of water to baked clay of barren soil. And life springs from new waters while glistening streets are washed clean in the midst of congested city'states

 Many brilliant colors sparkle from the nighted lights of deserted wet city streets. And beneath the peace of the starry firmament, I slowly descend near one city, amid slowly rolling hills of arbors having thick bodies with broad arms and leaves. The arbors have long since become a living dream’state under the spell of seasons...if I could only ride upon a ray of light in some empyreal realm, to share that dream

 I move through the suburbs of this city to the city refuge, and here, I remain still, in solace, wondering and pondering the meaning of this place! Only here, it seems, do vagabonds meet and scavenge for rubble. Outcasts seeking society's cast'aways. And, by necessity, their vision is special, seeing not always what is obviously before their eyes, but seeing in mind, what surely could be useful! I reside here, feeling the end of my journey, and the heaviness within, with a yearning to reachout and feel this castaway eternity

 I surrender more. I am estranged, deeply moved, and drawn by this quiet, this silent ruin. Golden heat is thick. It lays heavy upon shiny ends of ragged'edged tin cans. Heat rises from small mounds of rubble that are scattered amid slender shafts of dried hay. Here, foul odors are the wakes of fierce competition and voracious appetites, heaped heavy with decay from consumer aftermaths, through which, the golden radiance from above, penetrates. Small gentle spirits of the wind pass'over, around tiny blades of grass nearby. And the silence becomes heavier, as the heat does, when the grass stands still

 The motion of the Earth stops. And I move from a rusted nail to a broken wooden box..to dull yellow'd grass jutting out from its side. A spirit touches a blade of grass, and it gently leans in the direction of a broken bottle filled with un'wanted stillness..an agonizing difficulty to move, has been consumed

 I move to see a tiny creature with eight slender legs scrambling over pieces of debris and soil. This little creature moves toward a box made of hard thick paper, holding many metal cans resting crookedly at the bottom of a heap of rusted iron and soiled tin, and shards of bottle glass of all colors

 Castaways, cracked and broken. All abandoned. The ground is bare with patches of  soil, made dark and dirty by dirty oil. Small paths wynd throughout the rubble. Inconspicuous paths they are, aside decaying pieces of ragged furniture..narrow paths they are, around heaps of refuge once useful to time'saving clever minds

 Only the roots of grass are alive. Thick detritus penetrates broken toys. Rusting bolts. Lifeless pieces of arbor branches. How has the glory of the adventures I have seen?..brought me to such an unusual place as this. Gold beats down. Heat rises. The air, hot and heavy, thickens more as I drift even slower. An occasional hollow whistle from a bottle, or a buzz of a honey'maker haunts my melancholy. In my surrender, I wander with one in flight to the delicate ethers of a wild flower. And shortly, I come upon a small inconspicuous flower with a yellow grainy center and several slender white petals radiating outwards

 I quickly leave with another of these busy spirits, heavily laydened with the fine sweetness. And suddenly, I am compelled to follow a path made clear, by a strong unusual fragrance thickly blended from many blossoms. As the fragrance becomes stronger, I hear staccatos of trickling waters

 Over a shaded brook, I move through warm shadows, up a gentle rise to a garden fashioned especially for these majestic flowers. And soon, an uplifting mood envelopes me. Their deep color and delicate fragrance overwhelms me

 I move under a high towering arch made of these flowers. Within the garden, I see small carpets of grass and tiny flowers that were allowed to flourish upon the floor. Beneath the arches of thorn and sweet'scented blossoms, I am deeply moved by so much beauty guarded by hard barbs and saw'toothed leaves

 Narrow inconspicuous paths wynd around each plant as though special care was given to each. Wynding paths serve as passageways for the waters, having lifted'up high from the sea, and gathering to pass through these beauties, to pass through into a nearby brook and back to the sea

 The creators of this garden saw the streaming waters, and they diverted some for this special purpose, where warm radiance from above, fresh dew, and diligent tiny creatures keep leaves clean, and the blossoms' sweet, is irresistible to the honey'makers they meet

 A bit of wind stirs dark shadows upon paths that wander throughout this garden. Within this pleasant diversion, from the center of a storm of thorns and jagged leaves, a spirit freely wanders through gentle grass and sage. I see the work of worn hands carrying tin cans of seedlings. I see the wood of castaway boxes fashioned skillfully, to help support the burden of such passion for color and fragrance. Narrow waterways were made and lined with small cobbles. And wild flower seeds were sown in all directions to keep the floor shaded and cool, to keep alive this garden, aside a forgotten forsaken refuge of castaway wants

 And here I stay, near the center of this haven, to where a velvet red blossom has grown from a single seed of affection. And to this immortal surrender, amid jagged leaves and thorns, I surrender with vague memories and remote sensations, and rest from a quest that has given me, my own deep need...if only to be the waters of a single regal blossom...if only to be thus, amid the vastness and greatness, of the universe around us

 Skies deepen. Impending darkness. Spirits thicken, dense power. The naked light of instinct appears while mind winters to draw into its midst..billowy clouds, cool mist, moody darkened grey. Dim awareness overrun by spirits' ghosts. Of spirit transcending, penetrating the darkness, swelling space, rapidly germinating, I am constantly changing, dying, renewing heavier with the strength of my own weight. Wholly gripped, the Earth pulls, harder and harder..faster and faster, do I move until the horizon disappears. I crash upon rock and soil. All forms, all shapes and sizes are shattered and splattered..hurtled into the ethers, into all directions, into the darkness of earth. I seep and divide and spread, I flow throughout the many passageways under this flowering palace. Upon a hill with gentle descension, the heart of Earth draws me through a garden. A multitude of flora reaching for life'giving waters, reaching for me. Through carefully sifted soil, I feel the darkness. Sweet earth surrounds me. Streaming through darkened tunnels, I remain possessed by the Earth's molten heart. Coolness from a trickling. A nearby brook is upon me, but my journey over waterfalls back to sea will be interrupted. I feel the need of a living dream'state pull on me. Surrendering, senses sharpening, I feel its aura, the strength of slender roots gripping a portion of rich earth. Delicate fingers radiate in all directions. The roots, randomly arrayed in the darkness, seeking sustenance, becoming near, I sense its soft delicate hair..each, an entrance way. I pass through, and I am suddenly initiated, I am quickly drawn into, feeling smaller, but far more intense within this firmly fixed entity. Streaming through, and pooling within many caverns..away from the grip of Earth, I am taken and drawn through wynding passageways where I join and rejoin until I wander heavily, but easily, through larger and greater caverns. Through radiating fingers clutching the earth, up and outward do I steadily move..do I divide and re'divide, seeping through every pore throughout every cell to the green of its leaves where the starry gold from above is needed as much as the dark earth below. I feel this entity I am of, living, needing this place..this early morning sun, gentle breezes, and shade made cool by its leaves. For its many needs, this entity has many arms of thorn reaching out to catch passer'bys. Razor barbs guard the soft vital center, and jagged leaves of deep green bear themselves upward to blazing yellow. Basking in golden warmth, growing by its subtle radiant force..only within its palisade palaces, is the true end of rainbows. Between sensual needs and the seeds of vision into past and future that meet distant galaxies, this individual touches the radiance of the sun, and is aroused deeply within its sensitive green. To but live!..even for what this bit of stillness would give!..as a raging storm of thorns and jagged leaves spin in all directions..arching higher and higher into the ethers of an unseen mist..amid this treachery of immortal self'sovereignty, who readily delivers prickly pain to any who ventures too close. Its deep is aroused by the slow movement of a meditating Earth. Just enough for dominating desires to take small portions of effort from the resolves of a multitude of demands. As its many fingers grip the earth, they immediately divide upwards into countless leaves to feel the radiant consciousness there, as it knows how. A small congregation of the mists so high, passes by. Dark transient shadows appear upon the floor. And I feel the balm of radiant gold through a midday bluing sky. Spirits' presence is noticed from the movement of dark upon the earthen floor. Radiant heat from above is warm within, and the earth remembers each stroke of wind and sun. Deep desires overpower space with undaunted spirit. Ancient leaves converting the sun, had been especially chosen for the alien now upon me. Fragrance ascends upon a multitude of unseen spirits and travels throughout the land. Sweet'scented essence, given without measure, from a dark sweet haven beckoning any who would enter, its delicate intricate navel...so formed to lure, and immured with heady nectar..where abundances of sweet treasures wait, where life's seeds lay silent, alien spirits traveling, are impassioned by intoxicating fragrance and struck blind by deep red. Velvet red is veined and runs the course of trickling rain. And velvet layers of compassion, radiate from a past when buds appeared like tears, fallen from the heavens through a raging storm of thorns. In the shade of jagged leaves and time, by the gold of rising heat, amber twilight sees a single rose resting and swelling on the verge of opening. A red bud waits to open, when the sweetness of its blossom will be given, welcoming any intrepid traveler who would venture into its bosom. Red velvet of dark passion unfolds into packed ranks in all directions. Its fragrant voice is made and released, uplifted upon gifted spirits traveling anywhere, everywhere. I feel cleanness. I feel clarity. I feel fresh rebirth impending when harnessed passions become a flower, blending and possessing just moments of my deep..for fragrant passions they are, lingering, waiting for the occasions of love. Courageous passions they are, being the first to move, and be moved


REV:  June 2017

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