Phoenix
by Dale J. Sprague
Op. 1 The Rose
Cantos Two Cantos Three Cantos Four
The rose...love, beauty. The dull aches, celibate pain. In love, hopelessly lost under the spell of illusion, in the beginning, in the darkness, a spirit awakens in search of the nameless. And once named, the mortal assumes overlord to the immortal, light turned inward becomes lethal. And so, it happened. In the fervid endeavor to capture with words the fragrance, majesty, and beauty of the rose, I died...from its intimacy with nature, labors of love, and enchantments of romance
Cantos One
1 Across a wide plain active with great spirits that make a vast sea out of tall grass, or over the swells of a deep thickened sea, I feel life, a primordial need surrounding, penetrating, pervading throughout me
From space, I sense essence of mind, a love of freedom so great that even the most of what space is not, may freely express itself and wander throughout time, compounding itself in the production of creation
In creation, I feel substance and sense primordial awareness, wherein treasures of electromagnetic sensation are given and taken
Upon the surface of still waters, I feel an awareness that is essential, seeing the image of stars there, in reflection from another time ages ago
From the midday sun, I feel radiant consciousness penetrate me, and from its body, I sense its grasp, its reach extending to all of creation, serving us all as a focus of time
As I penetrate the boundaries of time, I perceive phases of moon and receive some reflection of prophecy
The Earth, my foundation, encircles the radiant focus of time in a meditative chant to the destiny of stars
And I sense life unbounded within bounded senses, as it readily extends itself through all things
And I sense excitement and peace, because having awakened, I realize that I, here, amid so much living..can be perceived, even if it is no more than I..perceiving
As it is, my eyes, my ears and my other thresholds are gifts allowing me to personalize creation. And through creation I move as slow as I perceive without, as fast as I see within. I am that I am in my beginning, and creation is given. More than the value of my breath, there are treasures to behold. For less than any breathless moment, no wonder of beauty could ever be sold
Predisposed with a bit of creation and a portion of life as my own, there is always some darkness given equally with light. There are always other ways of life, life would give..other manners of matter, I may live. But in mind, I comprehend points, lines, planes, and solids in perfection..making form, conceiving of perfect form, but when I deep search the physical, I find only approximations, unlight ensearching exactly where minute divisions of matter end and space begin
I assume then that the precision of matter is a matter of mind, a facility exploring its own limits enpursuent of the final division..where it is ultimately forced to create
How ever are these quintessent pursuits doomed to failure, I contemplate matter, plunging deep, dwelling where the innermost bit of me is. To see there, to feel far, wide, and clear. To breathe deeply this creation, for my deep needs an Earthly soul..to live, breathe, and grow
Deeper into matter did I journey to find the treasure, some law there true for all. And so many times did I approach the smallest bit of me, and as many times did it elude me
In despair, did my vision become darker and darker until so isolated, my self divided. In that instant, a light arose bright. And I learned that I, within the deepness of matter, cannot perceive and know it without changing it and causing it to become something else
And thus, so it must, only impressions of past and future do I perceive..for the rest, just be
There is form in thought, and there is form in matter. There is then, unity..union between thought and nature
My consciousness sees through life as my eyes see through space. There is then, a unity between consciousness and light, a fundamental state of matter
All shapes and forms of matter seem motionless when perceived from afar..and restless when sensed close'by
Within the change of matter is generation, transfer, and disintegration...regeneration, transfer, and integration of time and space between mind and matter
Change is the essence of time, but the alert quiet fixicity of the mind is the vast ocean within which I sense a unity between my feelings and the omnipresent change around me
My biomagnetic fields are aware. I am emotionally valenced to the presence of things. My mind is freed within wide open spaces. Consciousness is soothed by light
Imbalanced, I feel who I am. In equivalence, I sense why. In search for why, I am given time to live, the many needs life demand, the many wants life would give
And if I would want proof of the source of all, I would want to experience the ultimate manifestation...an intended paradox, or matter..a dichotomy of perceptions. Between continuous wave and discontinuous quanta am I, dichotomous emotion seeking best resolution of conflicting wants and needs, here and now
2 Within this space of life, I am as we. Of the many within, are we. I am as I. Of one aware of all others within, am I. I, we..are the memories, visions, hopes..the reality of superficial desires and deep needs. The one and many are the essential characteristics of matter...the matter I am, we are, every moment, everyday. Of the awareness that pervades every bit of matter am I..of every bit of matter within, I seek to be
The cosmos now, in its vastness and extremes, is manifest existence, and given by life, this now is upon me. I am all that I can be now, created by past and future..yet, as past, present, and future senses of time, I am the passageway between the universe of matter and the matters of mind
This is a world where universes, light years apart, can relate bridging unimaginable expanses of space. Barriers of space are of the mind, and in this world, transcendence of mind is transcendence of space
In this place of life, every moment brings constant union, dissolution, exchange, and embodiments of vast systems of histories converged and reconverging within each individual
This is an obvious system of things where extremes of the cosmos incarnate in me, and seek connections between what is in motion and what is not
In this space of life, the beginning and end of matter is contained within each moment, and each moment of life is a fertilized seed of past and future
3 From the inside looking out, there must be some unity between what I am, and what I am in. From behind my eyes I can see only by reflection. Reality here is like my image in a mirror upon dark waters...fearful at first, but such images of the past are compelling, and draw me into their watery deep
I feel pulled from deep within, and as a stranger within a familiar world, I may arrange images there as I would like to see them, being so lured, as I were, by the simplicity of my own ideals..but before I become lost in them, I move away in haste from this place behind my eyes
When I am at the face of my eyes, I look around, seeing directly into a timeless now. Colors and fragrances are bold and intense, and my wits are extended to their end, and knowing that something is always beyond them, I am constantly on guard in this prickly eternity for the unknown's sudden appearance
I have seen the future beyond the face of my eyes. Staying there is fascinating at first, but at the mercy of my imagination's whim, reality is dim, vague, and faraway. And what if I should live there?..living indefinitely upon some obscure probability. Like an island of ice upon a tropical sea, this life would seem to be
What then? What else can I be?..but of all, of past, present, and future within me. Only with this unity can I move back to the face of my eyes amid the many uncertainties of futures probable, of memories remaining as they were born regardless of form..remaining clearly as life was...past, present, and future as one. And out from the inside looking out, I may feel this life whole, I may truly begin
4 Time and eternity are passing sensations, places of mind where solace wanders around vague feelings of nostalgia, where clouded familiarities of places, faces, and eons brood like loveless lovelorn ghosts, all vying for time in this here and now
Through this brooding, I nevertheless see, feeling non'logical insight..feeling irrational knowing, experiencing instant insight from apparent nowhere
I am now, fully attached here beyond my senses. I listen to every feeling, feeling a great ocean of space and all it contains. How much of we is suspended there? How fixed within, can I be and still breathe freely? This place where images of I are so easily constructed..so painful to remove
I am a universe within, looking out into another, a realm seeking rules and freedom from rules. And if, within this realm I should feel as easily and as much as we, I or we, whatever may be, will know the freedom also. And so resolved and disposed, I shall grow as the cosmos grows. I shall be moved as this universe of a radiant all'giving star moves
5 For the sake of life, to feel that I have lived, love is foresworn to give all incarnations of light and its radiant extremes, its time and place of expression, an occasion for all within. Love is need, compelling me to do what I never thought I could do, to be what I never thought I could be. In love, I am given foreign eyes to see familiar places
6 Within the cosmos, within me is the minute weight of beliefs and values determining its destiny within a vast cosmos. As a minute entity in search of life, even all extremes are internalized and so easily personalized into some ordered niche of mind
And so readily did my mind work to consume each feeling, each new experience..yet, being more than magnetic flux and thermal heat, there are alignments between feelings and ideas. There is consciousness in blue, red, yellow, and many others be. When all join as one, by white does one see
The mind seeking some irreducible essence will suspend in thought the body which carries it. Inevitably, the mind in its vacuousness will hold separate, rigid, and fixed, all that is sensually perceived...that is, until, in the fervor of its endeavor, it suddenly sees its doppelganger...obsessed, also chasing the shadows of its own existential queries
7 Radiant beams from the heavens enter boldly any matter in its way. From matter is white produced. Within matter does white so readily stay. And, as white clings to the densities of substance, its absence do we perceive. Within substance will white remain, and from substance, the black we receive
And I stand, casting a shadow from the sun, and from this, all that is physical is between light and dark, between the world of black and white is matter, the substance we are!
And for all to be only black and white, the stars, the planets, the elements..all of life would have to be whisked away
And when I feel winds of uncertainty and tides of darkness and chaos, I withdraw and ponder as I stand, and make sure..that the black and white there, remembers from where it began
8 From high above did angry determined words shower down. They were great giants...violent, awesome, and all knowing. And quickly how broad their smile would be, how pleasant and loving they would be, if I should say the same as they
From nowhere, where dictums reign, did words come to me representing itself as light. Reaching out with all my strength, I became fixed by the darkness there. Yet, words that emerge from darkness, in darkness do they stay
With pure faith and thus blinded, I was told to live. Thus living, not knowing light nor choice of my own to give
Forbear and forget! Covet the next moment. Love another only upon condition..that is, the condition they return the same without reservation, without hesitation
I lived brightly. I cried silently. For the night, I waited. The day, I dreaded. Heavily burdened with words unrooted, I lived some vision I could not see. I lived yearning for eyes truly of me
Day by day, the nights grew longer. Stronger and stronger my mind became. There were so many words there, unconnected, so many pieces for some game
With each day my mind became larger. Exercising freely, games began..and ended easily. And seeking more..more for new words, I looked far, looking far beyond defined horizons
Soon thought began to interlock, and strings of words appeared, and easier and easier did bits of light come together
Then one day, like no other day, a ray of light..a blinding flash! Whole masses of words suddenly sprouted and rooted into one...and I felt for the first time, my own eyes..eyes truly of me. I see. I see! I can so clearly see within
But more than this. Far more than the birth of a mind's eye, the ground rose to my feet to become ground again, the air touched my skin to become air again, and the sun radiated..making shade aside all things that became things again
9 Magic in the night, and vision by light in day, spirits emerge from their place of stay..for this day, from this night, within I begin
I see spirits speak softly of the innocent while they fight, of all children playing war, of all life in sight. I hear a spirit inspired by the night, speaking boldly of the glory of a moon'still lake. I feel another with its own light slowly ascend into the darkness above. So much fear would this spirit bear, if only to hear the lofty wisdom of the trees there
Evening brings light, a soft glow, and I even see the wind blowing! swift and silent, haunted whirling. Alive! Entrancing. Deeply enchanting
Enchanted, I am enveloped by night when my part of the world is at rest, when we are all at rest from ourselves and each other
The creatures and spirits of the night chant and sing stories of the boldness of the day and its faraway places. They mention that the ways of nature are ceaseless, and paths of life, endless
Only the night knows in its stories of bold and secret whispers...the adventures!..the intrigues of ebbing space and conquering time. In the ebb of twilight, reminiscence begins and ends with itself at dawn, when the spirit of the night reverses itself and brings a new day
I feel the night, a silence, an absence..an alien presence of small, barely audible creatures speaking of many things...who they are, where they are, which we now let begin while us at rest
10 As light is used to construct past, present, and future, three dimensions of space, three dimensions of mind are created. And what I foretell is freely given by mind of past, present, and future time. Yet, how deeply I see, recalling from seeing, feeling the experience of seeing comes not from what was so freely given, but by something new, something changing
With something new, there is the irony, or a paradox. And suddenly I laugh or weep, or wonderment fills me, and more than ever before, I enter a greater world, I am less asleep
Enlightenment sets the dimensions of mind into motion, rapidly down intrepid inclines of rugged rock and chasms deep to see the hidden there..or as rapidly up a daunting incline of imposing rock to a peak..to see what is not hidden
11 Existence is made of delicate, yet all'pervading tiny minuscule forces. Conceived in need, one bit of force attaches to another. Untold numbers of need give, share, and wait to be filled..building, growing, becoming sky..touching upon formidable mountain forms, great or small, matter's influence is profound. The very large beyond comprehension is at one with the very small beyond reach
Even the emptiness of uncertainty seems a necessary potion, a notion enabling me to more deeply understand the nature of substance, the substance I am
Inward I move to perceive this substance of me. Above and below, aside me, everywhere, I perceive readily, perceiving all..but the bits of matter I call me. Yet as I persist, to feel alive, to feel that I have lived..I want to know even the briefest that would live, even within me
How much I should journey to and from the substance of me, is as I need, as necessary. And no matter how far I should journey away from matter and into me, matter is delicate, yet formidable..profound in influence, and so far beyond comprehension, that to return, I need only to touch a bit of substance. In touching, feeling deeply this matter, something very deep awakens. Something very deep becomes aware
12 The answer I see, having awakened upon a river coursing alternately..gently, rapidly to a sea..upon which, strength of vision I gain..upright and channeled, I maintain. And by dark do I also see, ultimate mystery all transcending...why does anything have to be? inevitably turning into itself, perceiving out, and fostering me. Yet, upon awaking from a night's sleep, why seek proof of the day before to be this day now, or to live this day only with justification of tomorrow. Yesterday and tomorrow are virtual...the here and now is not
Living spontaneously, yesterdays and tomorrows are but vague imagery. And I am born with happenstanced illumination within a vast continuum. And then suddenly, I feel an act of creation! I was given a brief glimpse, the destiny of my spirit's new incarnation
But the inner world of me is only an approximation of the outer world, I can know only in approximations, I can only approximate what I feel..but feel exactly
Darkly formed from inborn portals leading to a small portion of creation am I. Of my limitations and imperfections am I formed from the magic of my sensations
What else can I be? but within the light of magic. What else is magic? but of the world unseen. How else can I see? but by the light of uncertainty. How can I know me?..but also, by the shadows my light cast
And the child in me, first and last, loves so much beyond me. Magic entertains...now I see, now I don't. Therefore, shall I always deny what I see, what I feel because so much of what is real is only a small part of what is whole? No, I think not. No, I won't
13 Far out and away from this earthen haven, I sense enormous extremes. I sense hostile matter rebelling from the pressure of itself, and vast empty space passive to itself
Between the stars, between galaxies of stars is murky darkness...vast regions into which light enters and indefinitely remains. Within these oceans of space, there are only occasional wisps and whispers of movement by strange elementals from faraway places, filaments of material definition that web and give form to words for the vast mind of the cosmos
Giant radiant bodies abound, and throughout the oceans of space, they have no bounds in Will as the fabric of substance is released, as threads of radiant consciousness travel freely throughout the clear passageways of void, moving swiftly as currents of space and time
Countless radiant stars expanded and reddened from age are on the verge of their own final collapse..yielding to the wisdom of change, as space yields to the dint of its fading light
The extremes of light and space are everywhere, and coming together, they become one as matter. Such must be the quest of any extremes. Feeling incomplete. And only with the destiny of convoluted light do awareness of eternities end, do the shadows of my convolutions willingly approach the light revolting..or the silence of empty space
14 Needed by all, I am forgotten only by those in constant action and reaction to all. Known as nothing, or facilitator of the mind, and having no dimensions of time, I nevertheless exist..always giving, always permitting even the least of substance to be, whatever it should happen to be. Only through I does light begin where matter ends, or where matter begins and light ends. As the basis of passion's logic, I remain sizeless..at the most, relative, where anywhere of me permits freedom for all. And ageless, I inspire division, so a self may see itself, so a thought may contemplate itself. For freedom to be, I am the unquenchable, the untouchable saying, "Equality is truth. Inequalities are but illusions unable to endure through ever'evolving light. As the omni'nescience I am, all surely is one" Yet, this imagery of me must abruptly end, since these words cannot truly be me...because how can a word, or something needing context?..be equated to me, needing non
If I was the sun, so far could I surely see. A member of a great society, I would be. And as one center of space and time, I would be traveling amid the starry relations, I would be emitting fine filaments of space in all directions, I would feel others like me shining brightly..I would feel those much older than I, red and swelling in their ending. In the vast void I am small, and my existence is but a remote outpost of time. I feel the history of others through great rivers of clear space. I feel them as some see my beginning, and some are in their end, as I see their beginning. Like spines of a sea urchin, my body appears...if only one could see the lay of ray that darkness bears. Beyond the limits that substance can bear, I am born reaching out into creation, giving my spontaneous knowing to whomever in meditation around me, each growing within my dying. Being one origin of time, I am an event horizon rebelling deep by the heaviness of my own weight. So very large am I, that my heart is thick and dense with intense heat. Where I can no longer withstand my greater nature, I separate..into ethers of light, into tentacles of space..into all directions I give new variations, new directions in life's evolution. And from so much want with but a simple need to be, my heart silent and dormant, becomes a single seed to be sometime again. And I am salvaged from my spontaneous dying. From my compulsive giving do I re'emerge into the changes I have made, by the changes I have become far beyond me, far distant from me before the capture of red passion at my end
Or if I was the Earth, the bearer of life I would be. Small, I surely would be, yet, as a deep meditation in a dark misted sleep with starry dreams evolving, upon me evolving is the life that says, "I am," and each knowing to be the first and last, evolves by its own hand, a center everlasting, each fated to be awakened by Cupid's wise pierce...for which dark sleep is a blessing, in addition to the warmth of a fiery star closeby, with its deep internal rebelling. Upon this star's surface does matter end abruptly, does space become apparent so easily, does light journey so readily. In surrender to this star, I am circulating around its center. Upon a spiraling journey through space am I, basking in the light of starry bright..constantly moving, receiving its radiance, sleeping in rhythms..resting in motion, upon my surface..bits of sun incarnation. Upon me, the evolution of confronting absolutes proceeds. I am the host. I enable the arbitration of incarnate histories long since past. Upon me, the drama of vanity is played..vanities capable of denying all and everything but themselves. I, polarized, be the unity and diversity, the light and dark spinning. Long ago, upon my final surrender to this dark sleep, the seasons were born. And the living became abundant. And the vanities find a greater world as my ethers pass through them. My airy spirits of the heavens envelop, penetrate, pervades throughout all that lives. If only I was the Earth! upon my surface would the drama of vanities find its course and destination through what is seen, heard, and felt within them, and outside within me..because, like me, the living is possessed by starry light and silky waters. And so born and reborn shall the living be, when sacred darkness dies, when the nameless becomes conscious and bright, and a feeling, some deep emotion becomes light
As the moon, magic spells I could spin. The sun would become cool and incandescent in the evening. And seen in the way the mind sees, in reflection, stirring emotion in my image, I would move feelings, alter color, sound..inspire a new flavor. In deep meditation around the Earth, I could be a memory, the silent remains of the beginning of this small solar universe. In deep slumber, my meditation is like a dream for which the seas are always reaching. Gently, slowly away from shoals of bay and back from sea, I feel the moving borders of a vast open ocean. I am but a reflection of life'giving light while I imperceptibly spiral toward the affection of my own heart. Reflections from me, upon land and water, incandescent blue and velvet silver travels easily, silently through vast arrays of mind. Penetrating all worlds with a bit of stillness, stirring passion from sleeping emotion, I am the midnight sun, a pale yellow'rd light that even in the full phase of my waning, when all is dark and at rest from their eyes, I shine the brilliance of a starry body, where spirit only, is living. A silent meditation I shall remain, giving my light freely, so my heart, the Earth, may dream
If only I was the wind, with the first spirit I would ascend. I could feel always, feeling freely, feeling everywhere beneath the heavens. I would be the ethers that the living breathes. I would be quiet spirits rising from silent seas. I would be born upon breaking waters, knowing all ocean shores and swells of sea. From cascading streams, I suddenly awake. From its falling, I would be the misty waters rising over river wakes. Everywhere, moving freely upon this earthen globe, I could feel the finest crevices where the smallest would dwell, feeling the great firmament above where the stars shine well. Upon the earthen floor, I would feel every pebble, every hill. I could know every mountain peak..every cavern, I would seek. As the wind, I would be the spirit over land and sea, living freely..touching lightly upon this globe, and extending to the sky aglow, radiant light would pass through me, and be readily taken by all, far below. And warmth would grow within my body, so life may ride upon a feeling, so the living may travel far, spreading deep within oceans..living higher than the highest lands! And like the origins of life itself..unseen, yet exist...feelings, I freely give
If I was an arbor, living in one place, knowing intimately this space of life would be my life's labor. In the hills, upon mountain sides, throughout many valleys I would dwell. By the sea and water springs of desertland, by the lakes and aside the streams that feed them, I would grow wherever there is peace upon the land. I would be a lofty tree, and cast cool shade upon soft earth. I would reach upward with all my might, and grow from radiant light. Into earth, I penetrate deeper. Into the heavens I reach farther. The spirit over land and sea presses me harder and harder, and steadily prevailing...sweet gentle wind bearing my seed, from everywhere to everywhere do you proceed. Always moving, and moving me..you, boldly change..I, imperceptibly. The winds always move in their individual way, and I, in one place do solemnly stay...going no farther than the waters flowing through me, growing no further than what my body can bear, traveling no faster than the radiant star above, the radiant light, I willingly share..this place on Earth, I love. If I was an arbor, I would reach down into rich substance..and upwards for the bright radiance, and holding together the starry body above and the Earth below, embrace nature's extremes equally. I would bend easily to the wind for my seed's sake. Through winter's spell I would sleep. Through summer's, wide awake. I would live in peace and remain in one place. I would live quietly, knowing this one space of life, intimately
But like the planet far distant from the sun, I feel so removed from the light of life, my savior. Only a curious onlooker to the universe am I. In timelessness I am, within frozen time, in meditation around a sun that appears through my misted spirit as a dim moon. Far distant I seem to be from the radiant knowledge of a starry body. I am just a cognitive entity, a frozen body farthest from the sun, marooned in deep space, waiting for life in dark silence. Inside star'ridden space, I revolve in solace around a radiant enchanted moon. It seems so near in my fantasy, as all the stars seem but figments of a dream. This giant light I feel, is in its prime, and the rendezvous that I have in the future with its reddened end seems as I am, distant and faraway. Within the grips of this vast peace, I must stay. Upon the outer fringes of this planetary system I reside. Occasionally, I am greeted by whisperings of foreign places..pleasant distractions that comfort me in my obscurity..obscure to all throughout eons emerging. Far in space, I am silent violent winds. I am frozen waste, nonexistent. I am distant cold light, out of sight, far from time. The darkness is kind. My moon is bright. Deep in space, a mere onlooker am I. A far distant meditation. Silent contemplation within a sea of space I be, waiting for my red dawn..to be warmed by the red passion of a starry body's end
Feeling so far from life, so long I must live. If only I was anything!..that seems to forever be. If not the sun, the wind or rain, or some distant planet vacant and waiting, then perhaps some law I could be, until life, in my timelessness, claims me
Yet, like any starry body or Earth, or earthbound moon having clearly a beginning and end, is any law or word fated any different?..if it is to live
And the universe builds upon and proceeds from law. Within every bit of matter is law, from every thought does law proceed
The laws that make space embrace the universe. The laws that make a star are the beginning and the end of life upon an Earth. And the laws that make an Earth support many lifetimes on Earth
As I am and wish to be, laws are of life, love, and everlasting beauty!..for which even words must change...a slip of a pen, a letter left out, a syllable unheard, and a word fades irretrievably into the past
To be of the living, I must also be some law in eternity...as long as my eternity should happen to last
15 As I feel, all seems alive! The Earth is alive like a fertilized egg rapidly internalizing. Of this entity is the spirit over land and sea, the wind so gentle, so formidable, so dreadful. And there are the creatures between the earthen floor and ethers of air...the creatures of the wind before the creatures of the land, before the fish of the sea. And proceeding further, there is this entity's history packed a'top ebony. And deep within, is the warm center of this haven
As a creature, as a being, I am already traveling through space at a rate far exceeding what it would take, if I should wish to be released from the foundation I am upon
Looking out from a very thin layer upon this earthen ground, I see generations of time and space coexisting, and I feel as though I am within some vast plan, some living machine that is sustained for some great purpose, even if that purpose is to be no more than..'I am'
From the sun, sea, and land did I emerge into life and evolve to feel the heart of this Earth down under my feet...it is molten and fluid, made of feelings like a sea of mercury, deep and heavy. Thick, strong, and sure
Above me, my hand extends within the spirit that enshrouds me. I feel gentle stroking upon my palm, over my fingertips..unseen, yet vital to me. Beyond my perception this spirit is...how very dependent am I, upon so much that is beyond my sight...upon so much I cannot see, only feel
How truly independent am I in this night? In constant need I am, of what is unseen before my eyes. So often feeling obscure, sensing only dim fragments of the past. And where past mixes with future, I pass into knowing other embodied histories, living refined memories, seeking solidarities or fantasies that make probabilities become future
In this way, I am between past and future..as past, present, and future, I am as any other life self'aware
Within the institution of my own awareness, sometimes I feel a crisis within the rhythm of my breathing, a faint stillness. Subtle shocks they are, reacting to constant need
Within my bones, deep within my flesh is a history with a long forgotten beginning..a beginning of existential theorems long since mislaid
And so intimately and critically do I need the spirit and elements of creation, a fool I am destined to be, within the shadow of the creature I am
Creature bound, the death of a dreamless sleep sets me to peace, and when the light of my mind brightens...from what do my beliefs begin? How much of what is conscience is conscious in me? What end does any unleashed freedom bring? What beginning and end? may any sense of freedom arise
In this unwitted sleep, what way away from so many mirrors could I go? but inward and deeper than I ever knew before. As in a dream, I descended from a maze of stone leading down under a large arch. Within some dark institution of thought, only darkness was behind me, and ahead of me, at the bottom of the stairs was a large circular grey chamber. A bright light from a ceiling cast down onto the earthen floor so that I could only see what was in the middle. I had to get through, unable to return to my previous airy heights, I moved into the bright light. Suddenly, humanized phantoms of small earthly creatures confronted me, interrupting my path. But slowly and deliberately did I follow. By some remote inkling was I lead, it guiding me through the chilly mist of my dread. I perceived a small alcove ahead of me with two small passageways...to the right and down, to the left and backup to mind. Without hesitation did I move and enter, to descend within, upon the right'hand passageway
Though afraid yet relieved, I moved swiftly and deeper, and soon, in my heart, I perceived from there the matter of creation...it is magic! And sensually in its midst, by irony do I learn! By paradox do I know
With this magic, the touch of earth warms the palm of my hand. The fragrance of a flower is sweet..its texture, discreet..its timbre, unique
The winds unseen become alive..alive as much as an arbor appears majestic in its lofty wisdom. The sea becomes my blood, the earth my body, and the air, my spirit within
When I recover from the magic of existence, I do seeing no distinction between the elements I perceive and myself. The touch of earth in my palm fills me with its auras. The fragrance of evergreen is delicate..its texture, singular and distinct
The spirits around me become alive from nothing, alive as much as a tree appears lofty and majestic. And the sea becomes blood and flesh. The earth, bones. And the air, spirit within
When I recover from the magic of existence, I see no distinction between all that I perceive and what I am. This magic makes each sensation a gift...from nowhere does it come, and once formed in its own way, becomes the living dark of me
Here, amid a universe of worlds, all have their roots in earth, in the sky. They breathe the spirit over land and sea, and they are where the Earth and sun meet, and they are the dispersion of knowledge, ways of life expressing freedom of speech, to be taken as it may..or not to be taken in any way
Within this Eden, I see precise mechanisms, structural integrity, and customized form serving life
Amid the feelings abounding everywhere around me, I sense a great awareness there and its wisdom
I am touched by the dew of awareness beneath my feet. My eyes feel the sky! And my mind sees restless construction and reformation in all creation
My fantasies come alive within the castles, mountains, and valleys in the sky. I am filled with pleasure feeling my frame from within, feeling the ground I am upon
I stand, touched by the waters of the sky, in the midst of the spirit over land and sea..whispers of wind knowing me
Constant change is around me, and change everywhere I somehow feel...and being so moved, a bit of me now, seems unchanging
Wisdom seems inborn in every bit of substance as time allows a tree to become a creature, or a rock to become sands of a sea. Time, silent ghosts in the sky, these misty sculptures fading are ever remade, and arbors thirsty for their essence hold them as boldly as great basins of rock encup the seas
As I stand fast by an ocean with its rhythm at my feet, lost I feel in the waters beyond the horizon
I have dipped my head in its substance, felt its cool silky essence, and a distant faraway shore
I have looked into the mirror of a silent sea, where an image appeared..a dark mood in reflection, mystified by the vastness of the pool beneath. Upon a sea, its stillness opens me, and the peace of open space above seeps into me
As I feel, in motion with the Earth on its long meditative journey, I feel the sea, its emotion, heavy and streaming
And upon a mid dark day, did large arms and long foamy fingers of all shapes rear and grasp for the sky. Reincarnations of spirits' form tower high! Rising sea serpents and unspeakable creatures I have never before seen appear with deadening crashes and bone'chilling roars
Humbled under the guise of control, an inbeing need I feel. Swells deepen. I feel the great swirling grace of this entity around me, feeling its imponderable awareness entering, surging within me
As I feel, I see incandescent lights in the stormy derangements of foam a'top crests of froth'consuming passion approaching, rushing towards me in the dark of night. And rising, swiftly rising and descending into its trough, something in deep sleep suddenly stirs amid these dark'brooding waters
In the middle of this nighted heart, the sea, she suddenly turned!..sweet, deep, serene. And I, tempered by a moon moored upon a sea, its body dwarfs me to some point in mind..and upon the verge of a self abeyed, I shift the direction of my silent gaze, to avoid this time the enchantment of a beauty, I sense in the depths before me
Within this spirited darkness, in the wake of my path, little creatures much smaller than I, charged by the radiance of the sun, blink their lights, sparkling the crests of waves, making the wakes of a sea magical, my fantasy real. In their light I feel, they are more conspicuous than I. Deep within creation they are. A mere witness I seem to be, who can see this vast magnificence, this boon of existence..this sea which has fostered me
Cantos Two Cantos Three Cantos Four