Funny Stuff Mike B. Said

Aural communication, to me, is fascinating. It's easy to speak toother people, and the way that a person communicates verbally tellsyou more about them than anything else you could ask.

I do lots of presentations, and talk to people all of the time.But I hardly feel that I have this skill mastered. People likeJack Nicholsonand Al Pacino really do have it mastered, and there are lots of up-and-comers, like Henry Rollins,and someday I'll be like them. While I'm not the cream of the crop,some of my friends still call me "Y. F.", where "Y" stands for"yellin'" and "F" stands for something else entirely.

From time to time, I'll toss something funny I've said latelyonto my homepage as a background sound. (Don't sweat it: it'llonly take a couple of seconds, and there are really far biggerwastes of bandwidth on the net.)

Here's the current sound, and all of the previous sounds, witha brief description of why I think each is amusing.

SIRPSYCO.WAVSir Psyhco Sexy, The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Can you beleive there are still people around who say I can't smackthat funk?

HECKDOIN.WAV "What the heck are you doin'?"
It is often in my life that I come upon people who perform actionsthat I just don't understand. They're sometimes very meaningless—somepeople are very poor drivers, for example, and it isn't easy to figure outwhy they thought what they just did was a safe and concientious way touse an automobile. Sometimes, they're very troubling—like girlswho say they'll give me a call and they never do. (You know who youare, ladies.) Sometimes, it's just that your best friend suddenly startedwhipping your ass at darts. Why do these things happen? I just ask thepeople who made them happen: "What the heck are you doin'?"

AWK.WAV "Heh, that was a little awkward."
Something like this has happened to you at least once thisweek, hasn't it?

NORWAY.WAV "My publisher says I'm big in Norway."
Sometimes, people try to give you pep talks that sound a littlefunny. This one did, but maybe that's exactly what I needed.

JEREMY.WAV "Jeremy! Jeremy Roenick!"
At an NHL hockey game, each team is allowed to put five skatersand a goalie on the ice. The home team, though, can have over twentythousand more people to help out with their side of the game. Theplayers have to play by rules, but the folks in the stands can doany damned thing they please. A great thing to do is get seats closeto the glass and taunt the players. Players with sissy-sounding names,like the Coyote winger Jeremy Roenick, are great targets for this kindof work.

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Last modified on 28 January, 2000.