My brother, Chris, was visiting from Pennsylvania last weekend -- an event I've been waiting for eagerly. He has a very good manner with Mom. This is especially impressive because he cannot see her often, and so he can't grow accustomed to her as I do. I was looking forward to several long visits together with her.
With Mom I am like a fisherman hoping for a tug at the other end of the line. Often a whole visit can go by without that tug. But now and then she makes a comment or a gesture that raises my spirits. And sometimes for a few minutes at a time, I have a childlike sense of "home" -- as if I were with her many years ago in Indiana.
I was hoping that with Chris we might catch a few such moments. We might watch a football game or a movie together as we used to do so long ago.
But somehow things did not work out as I had anticipated. Chris and I were both sick at various times on the weekend; so we did not have any long visits together with Mom. During out two shorter visits, she seemed remote to me, as if in a deep sleep -- with one exception.
Fortunately, Chris was able to make a longer visit on his own. He watched "Funny Face" with her, and had a good time. He'll be back in a few months, and then we'll go fishing again together --
Just before Chris left Seattle on Monday morning, we went by Sunrise to give Mom his Christmas presents.
There is a joke about dementia and Easter -- an advantage to the condition is that you can hide your own eggs. In somewhat the same way, we were able to count on Mom to accept one day as well as another for Christmas.
She can no longer open presents by herself. So Chris opened them. One caught her attention, a small bear. Mom did not seem to know what to think of it. She held it on her tray for a moment, then pushed it away. We could not tell whether she did not want it or was simply trying to put it in a suitable place.
Time came to leave and we asked her if she would like to have the bear with her back in the main room. She usually cannot make a decision on any subject whatsoever, but she did seem inclined to keep the bear.
I regarded that as a good sign -- a tiny tug on the line.